Woah I needa chiong blog in 15mins
Needa study/homework soon
I guess something is very wrong with my body recently.
These few days like super tired till can't stay up late to study,den even after sleeping for very long, I don't seem to get refreshed and energetic for the next day. In fact still "sleepier" den ever :O
Shit this );

Mock comp
Idk why, somehow I couldnt feel the fighting spirit out yet :O #justsaying just that lil feeling I got
Probably cos it's isn't comp yet?
But that shouldn't be the mindset, I feel.
But to be frank, I felt that little disappointed. Idk why );
Not because of result but the attitude.
Not only for AC.
或许是我太容易失望了?
That feeling was simply weird, I just dk how to describe.
And to my 2 little boys: Will you please please please buck up?
Will you please realise how badly you're pulling the team down and you stop doing that? (This was really harsh, so I've decided to keep to myself instead of telling them straight in the face)
They don't seem to understand how desperately the seniors are trying to pull the team up
And even after my whole list of straightforward and harsh remarks, I bet you guys still treated it as though I was kidding. Throughout the whole debrief with them, only wenhan had the serious face and attitude to hear me talk.
I hope my comments didn't make wenhan more stressed up instead.
His face for the whole day after that was simply: 沮丧
): feel so sad for my lovely AC#1 ah );
Didn't get to see shaun after that, but I bet he felt even more terrible ):
Ah ))):

Htt
Brought grampy there ytd
Was sitting with him while we were waiting.
I wanted to find something to talk to him about, cos he looked bored
But I really couldn't find any topic to start on D;
Den I started pondering : Why was I able to chat with the elderly during hospital attachment so normally, but can't even find something to talk to my own grandfather? ):
#thisisbad ):

Oh yes, sin zai ya was (Y)(Y)!
One look at my pacifier keychain and she was like telling me in hokkien 你很没有空啊?
Woah I stunned "an zua lee eh zai?"( "怎么你知道?") Hahah
Damn joke.
Den I was telling her that I'm having exams, just halfway through.
Den she was like saying she have faith in me.
Woah.
I guess she knows that I'll feel better and motivated with these little words :)
Yeah, I kept thinking about it.
I hope I really can do it.
She also said about my erjie, said she's very distracted, her "studying" is simply putting a book in front but nothing goes in ); this is worrying ); haiy ):
She complained about my dajie on twitter again ytd ._.

do xia sin zai ya

- 赤裸裸的失落 一目了然的痛 让我无法说泪 是因为吹风-

)):
I really hope not

Why must I always get so affected by these negative comments );

Really afraid of AC commitments now.
DANG ));

PURE GEOGRAPHY. ELECTIVE HISTORY TMR.
DIE.
AH OMG. D;

This time it was dajie who talked to me about it.
Things are getting a little serious I guess. Hmm I should say 我们三姐妹很少"interfere" or talk/ask about our life in school since young.
This morning she just "你有必要每天读书读到这么晚吗?"
Cos I always reach home late, start studying late, end late, sleep late, and always end up setting dk how many phone alarms just to wake me up the next morning. And yeah, they often ring and ring and wake them up instead cos I couldn't wake up.
Then, when I tried to explain(with the same reasons) She was like "为什么你那么kaypo?..." "...这样你只会害到你自己"
Not that she was trying to be nasty, I got what she meant.
She's just this straightforward.
I find it hard, very very hard to explain to others anymore
5more weeks.
我知道最辛苦的不是我
I have faith, but at the same time really afraid to. :/

ENDURE KIDS

为什么我不会为了无数个正面的鼓励变坚强，却会被区区一个负面的评语立即再次被击倒? :/

或许是我多心了 但那些你对我说的话让我觉得看起来好讽刺

对不起，或许真的是我没及时改变他们，让他们继续这样的

那我口口声声说的努力 或许在你(们)眼中从来都不足够

谢谢亲爱的宝贝们给我的安慰和鼓励，谢谢你们这么爱我，这么疼我
但我只能说，我最终还是被那么一个人的评语给打败了

不想再解释了

我的天空今天有点灰 我的心是个落叶的季节 我不知道如何度过今夜 所有的灯早已经全都熄灭

Not much about studies this time.
到了最后，你们那道歉似乎像是nurul硬从你们屁股挖出来的
对不起，我真的无法感受到你们的诚意，
你们真的听懂了吗?
我真的很不解

Fine if you guys think it's what some "women's logic"
This disappointment is really too much
Try pushing them since months and months ago
And all you get is their 不屑
Is their 左耳进，右耳出
Is their hatred for this place

I don't know why I'm so upset either
Don't wish to explain anymore

Today simply sucked.
Omg. Not to mention screwing 1 more test again.
24/40 for differentiation test

Sick and tired of screwing every single shit of my life
累了大半天 还两头不到岸
Nyp proj how. I guess my group can be named the 最落后的group.

Moodswings are pieces of shit
I'm sorry.
Really sorry.

Whyyyyy omg )));
So saddening to see her 片段 of her years on the taiwan news.
She's indeed a legend
谢谢您对华文音乐歌坛的贡献 :')

Omg all her songs just keep playing in my mind now, maybe not all, but all that I know );
Haiyyy.

Anyway, HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY. quite hard and weird to be posting this but yeah, was really happy in the day just now
I had written around 56 cards for lovely friends, seniors, juniors around me.
The ones that I'm most proud of are the compteams ones!
Had a letter each from the word "COMPETITIONTEAMS'12" behind every single card I made for them, all 19 of us, wrote for myself too.
或许我时不时需要一点自我鼓励吧 may seem retarded but ohwell.
Really 用心做礼物this time okay, cos I feel ppl around are nice enough and really deserve some appreciation!
Thanks for loving me, people :D
我也爱你们!
情人节快乐!
谁说情人节一定要有情人才能过，朋友是再好不过的情人了!

AND MAY THINGS BE BETTER BY THIS WEEK. SO WORRIED )); 我要你们相亲相爱

-很少说谢谢 但我爱你就像你爱我-

So much to blog about interUG camp :D
It was awesome, I should say :D
Really made lots of new awesome friends, be it bonding a lot with many trainers or knowing a lot of sec3 UG peeps
Haolian girl(ME) is gonna hao lian again, I REMEMBER ALL THE NAMES OF THE CAMPERS LE! Saying since the first night I guess :)) hehe so happy.
I would say this was a success, because what mattered to me was that the campers have fun, and I guess that's indeed the case ah

I really want to praise my SUPER LOVELY AWESOME FANTASTIC WONDERFUL ZAISHIT sec3s ♥
我真的很爱你们 times a million ♥
Make sermin, shaun and I so touched and proud of you lovelies omg ♥
Thanks for always doing the right thing, thanks for daring to lead, thanks for being so responsible and showing so much initiative ♥
Even all the other trainers were so amazed by you ppl
I rmb Jesmond telling me "wah, why your SJAB so serious one? Fall in stand until so straight!"
Gerald telling me "I think the most zai UG is SJAB"
Chin Siang telling me "wah, seriously your junior ah! The group damn zai....." (I forgot what) he was referring to the pictionary game, yeah that group was imba, siang showed me their mahjong paper. Hahahah (Y) and ya, he mentioned yuchan :))) hahahh. I guess group 4 drove siang and gerald crazy xD
Even Mr hiew mentioned in 1 part of the debrief the first fall in and we asked for volunteers for group ICs, only SJAB ppl fall out. (yeah, it was 3 sjab (wenhan, alicia, nurul) and 1npcc(waileong))
And jesmond facepalm during Mr hiew's debrief and mrhiew asked for volunteer to lead 3 cheers for the facils and then for the whole camp. First volunteer was Nurul den was Yingjie, den jesmond ttly facepalmed Hahah

Really want to thank so many people personally :D for making this camp so lovely and nice, esp mainly of the camp comm peeps ♥
Of course firstly 我家的 ♥
Sermin: thanks for your awesome admin work, thanks for being there for me, and hearing me rant, and thanks for your great help in the station games as a station master :))

Shaun: thanks for being our awesome CHARLIE BOSS and FAB(First Aid Boss)(he insisted to be called like this)cos he's the first aid IC :) and yes, he really don't have image :) thanks for being a reasonable and responsible boss :)

Jesmond and Junji: Really great nightwalk IC and great ALPHA BOSSES TOO :D thanks for respecting us also! It was really great working with them, efficiently, responsible, not overpowering and yeah, understanding. Thanks for the station games help too! My station 2 and 3 ICs :D 让我很放心的给他们做主

Ian: Hahaha Really funny boy! :) hahah we so mean, keeping joking about him(in front of him, or I shld say simply directly to him. Thanks for being so nice and friendly :))) letting sermin and I help his group too TRICKY 3 :DD thanks for being appreciative too! :D

Jacky and Kawee: 2 super nice and responsible logistics IC :D always efficient and preparing my super ma fan logistics before hand :D and pack them really nicely for me to collect and use anytime :) and Jacky settling the messy logistics in st john room, accounting for every single logis for the camp :)) and yes, taking our orders for meals and going out to buy for facils :D xie le! Thanks Jacky for.comforting me during the first night of the camp, asking me to see stars and be happy, hahahah this camp 让我更证实that my lovely 202ers 都是好人, I got 5 with me in this camp :') Thanks :)但其实这都不用证实 :) we know right :)

ZhengYing: hehehehe our uncle sani! Key master :) had a nice chat with him about our WHAT THE FROG ♥ yuwei, him and I were in the same adventure camp group :)) memories of AC10 and our wondergays :) another funny guy :) hahah, nice and friendly too :)

Gerald and ChinSiang: always really to help although helpers were called at quite last min. And thanks for the station games help too :) though I had only asked you guys the day before when my original station master couldnt make it for the games. And yes, thanks Gerald for being appreciative :))) very :)

Yuwei: XiaoBRAVO!!! Thanks for always volunteering to help :)) and handling the keys during nightwalk when nobody dared to because of the "ling ling ling" sound the whole bunch of keys will make. Hahahah :)) and helping with our station at the nightwalk too :))

Hahahah the how many meh meh kind of question drove everyone crazy omg :)))
Esp zhengying, kawee and jesmond hahaha, repeating all these jokes all night long to them den they only know the meh meh joke like in the morning. HAHAH
Yeah, didn't sleep a single minute in camp.
Thanks sermin for doing maths with me till 5.30 in the morning, den she slept while I did some chem.

Lesson learnt: Serious lack of sleep results in serious insanity and abnormalities
Omg even I couldnt stand myself.
Went on doing all sorts of stupid things hahaha so diulian

I was surprised first aid lesson for them had a not bad response from them :)
Especially the roller bandage part :) even our sj kids found it interesting too, cos it was the first time they were learning how to tie onion and all :))
Yay :)
Cong Ming was like "why didn't I join st john instead?"
Haha awwww :') den I was saying like haha it's too late den he replied it's never too late or smth de hahahah funny npcc boy, he always have the super eager and enthu face :)) and always like so positive :) hahaha
Yeah, met many interesting campers like congming, waileong, dylan, ziming, thao wei, haibin, tawcun, kerry and all :))
Hahah waileong+dylan=insanity :)) even since adventurecamp11 hahah my campers in the same group again xD
oh yes, i asked some of them whether they preffered march camp or this
yujia told me "march camp, because march camp is more challenging" :')
wenhan is such a gentleman ttm. cos my station game was "Pass it on with your body" where they will draw lots to pick a body part to transport the sponges to the other pail on the other end. Wenhan picked thigh, den his pair's was lower arm. 照理说, the girl can just bend that little bit and press the sponge onto his thigh and they can walk normally, but what wenhan did immediately was lifting up his leg 90degrees, den i was like "wenhan, 你在做什么?!" And he replied, "哪里可以让一个女孩子bend?" Omg :')) WHY HE SO LOVELY AND NICE?

I THINK BB PEEPS ARE REALLY NICE :DD ALPHA!:) be it the seniors or the juniors! So nice working with them :)
Yay. 合作愉快 :)))! 期待下一次的合作 :)

Hmmm what else do I wanna say hahah.
YES YES, THANKS SENIORS FOR THEIR CONCERN AND LOVE :'D
Thanks sir Adam for deliverying lozenges for sermin,shaun and I in the middle of the camp :)
Thanks maam shili and sir wenbin for offering their food to sermin when they met her and heard that we haven't had lunch :')
Shall post what I tweeted here too:D :
I REALLY LOVE MY DEAR JUNIORS LIKE A LOT A LOT ♥ feel so blessed to have so nice CCA seniors and juniors ♥♥♥ XMSJAB :'))))))

Seriously

You ppl want the power yet don't do your things right
Where were all of you when we were covering your job?
Den what's the point of giving you guys positions?

And just now you made that issue sounded like our fault when 你明明就很想当?
我们让你，活该吗? :/
And now you guys are making decisions on your own, without discussing with us at all, thanks ah
The world don't simply revolves around you okay -.-
别以为自己有多了不起
为了一点点小成就就到处炫耀
你们也该为你身边的人多多着想，你们从不去在乎他们其实有多难受
I feel it hilarious how they can backstab one another like that.
给你们面子你们却得寸进尺

I hate people who are power hungry
Seriously -.-
It's our ____ NOT YOUR ____ why should we follow your way for everything

The reason why I love to read blogs
Blogs of ppl around me.
往往都是真情流露，写入心坎的
It's easier to blog than to say something out loud openly ._.

Blog reading always make me ponder a lot

I always wonder why can't others be as passionate in sj as I do?
How can I make the rest feel the same way too?
I can't seem to find any answer.
It's tiring to be the only one hyper-ing
Oh wells. Won't it be nice if I can have a whole squad of enthu ppl that will be willing to commit with me?
But I truly know, my dream will never ever come true.
And how can I let my sec2 kids love stjohn like we do and not hate it like coming for activity is the end of the world.
I failed to handle my own squad and my sec2 squad.
I'm sorry.
或许我真的没有那种能力去感染你们
我真的不会

I really dw xmsj to go down D: yet idk how can I help

Oh yes, there was something that I've been wanting to blog about.
._. 我很担心他们总有一天会闹翻 haiyyy
或许当初把他放在那个位置就是个错误了
这也让我想你们为何当初做了那个选择

Back from the doctor's.
MC today.
Probably I really need a break.
Slept for 13hours omg.
Even I got a shock :O
太久没好好睡一场了
Have been sleeping for 5hours on average ._.
But apart from sleeping this much, I still have to spend my day off doing homework.
Too eventful weekend D;
Plus too nuah for work.
Have been battling with these illness since like 5days ago.
Hahaha 我终于病倒了
38.4 ytd when I reached home from val's bday celebration. D:

Saturday was HQ training then dick's house with 02ers plus Timothy.
Hope HQ training was productive for the nursings despite of my slight restlessness and fatigue. D:
Totally train 到一半不能讲话 and gotta write everything down ._.
Thanks seniors for the help too :')
Thanks for all the care, concern and love from compteam too!! ♥

On the way to dick's house, saw nutnut on the train! He entered the same carriage somemore :)
Thanks huiwen for helping me bring panadol! :))
Thanks aderic for his fever kool pad :) hahaha, stupid me damn suaku, never use before den never take out the plastic (Y)
Hahaa nut was nice (to me) that day, hope he won't stop. He was on winning streak that day. Haha
I won in the end at night too :) consecutive 2 blackjacks and den 1 ngohleng xD poor dick. But he won $6plus lo.
Our original plan was to play at dick's house till dinner time den we go eat some 好料tgt. But after searching and thinking for damn long we decided to aiya go ntuc buy ingredients and lets have homecooked steamboat (Y)
This backup plan turned out to be very awesome :)
I would say the guys were damn crazy. Never ever let them take charge of the grocery shopping again, 7packs of 7cheese tofu, 2 big bags of around 40+ 韭菜plus肉 dumplings. #facepalm dinner time was even more hilarious omg.
Looking at the 2 idiots(kawee and Ivan) sitting right in front of me will simply make me laugh die omg. 1 clearing cheese tofu another clearing dumplings
I really love the 02 bond :') like a lot a lot

Sunday was valerie's birthday surprise :) planned by her mum, damn cool la :) she approached me to help contact my primary school clique :) hahah. Korean bbq lunch at iluma
Val cried (she seldom does) :)
Cliquerlites met at my house to make her present in the morning :) a very lovely board with our pics and wishes :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VALERIE ♥ , MY BEST-EST PRIMARY SCHOOL FRIEND SINCE P2!

I actually typed most of these on the bus rides just now

Sounds very 拽, very haolian right
Nope, I'm not trying to do that.
Not I say one! Hahah
This is quoted from BB CSM ;))))
我不否认I just had this little burst of pride deep inside
Hehe. I guess they saw comp team training before geog rec ytd and he came to tell me
Whoots :)
Hahahah #justsaying

I'm happy and proud of my corps.
Would it be nice if everyone feel the same way?
But how ):
Ohwells. Finally can come home early!
Sec1 kids coming in tmr, more of worried than excited.
SIGHS. ))):

Ss and physics tmr! Kthxbai!
Gonna screw it. Cos I didn't had time to study beforehand.
Guess what? I screwed Chinese test today ._.
Haven't been bringing any good results back home for parents to see.
NOT AT ALL.
Bad sign );

OH YESSS. Adventure Camp facil recruitment today.
Titanic cheer during morning assembly with ac camp comm.
Gosh, for the whole day, I keep hearing ppl telling me that im damn loud and they can only hear my voice
I guess I heard at least 20 times of that comment. Even bu shou ppl told me :O
Gosh. So malu D; diuliannnnn
Me want many many and good good facil ;)))

有时候，我只需要你们再体谅我多一点

就连我父母也不例外

请你们相信我做的事，都是有原因的，好吗?

我已经试着不再很多人面前喊累了

我还能承受都少磨练?

连我自己也不知道了

拯救地球好累 虽然有些疲惫 但我还是会
不要问我哭过了没 因为超人不能流眼泪

Training ended on time today.
Lots of funny things happened. Yonghao and yingjie and si en, haiyyy. Hahahah.
男女之间能有纯友谊吗?
那当你发现另一方对你的感觉已超越了纯友谊，那你将会怎么做呢?
最重要的是，千万不能搞到大家连朋友也没得当 :O
遇到这种事的人，加油吧!

Footdrill and first aid assessment is cancelled. Hmm just having mixed feelings about it. Idk why.

Had an awesome bus ride home, plus a great chat with my 2 AICs :)
Hahahah I shall not expose what happened :)
Yay it's nice working with them :) and my entire committee :)
AC recruitment on thursday! Please let it be a success and I can get really good facils. #beforeolevelwish AC12 TO BE A GREAT GREAT GREAT SUCCESS :D

Super tiring week. Ought to be glad I'm having an additional day break on thursday because assessment is cancelled.
Or not I'll be having 6 consecutive days of cca this week.
Jiayou, Gillian.
Praying hard that I won't fall sick too. :/

hahahahah. esp after reading his book i bought from taiwan 音乐=影像=/=音乐 (weird book name, but ohwell)

talented (Y) super.
some told me "he also not handsome"
但他真的很值得欣赏
who cares whether he is shuai or not?
i like how he can really transform very factual and 生活 thing into lovely songs
and express his own thoughts

我不配 is so nice #justsaying xD


woo. kiteflying with corps was fun.
though it rained quite a bit
den we played the very weird wet weather game-back to back
sad to say, quite fail ):
dk whether the corps enjoyed it
but im glad we still could fly kites at the end.

uber random post.
feeling very weird now. 开心不起来
deadlines are killing me.
我好无能

-因为你已是过客 因为路有些曲折是美的-
-反而我没有遗憾 因为我已爱过你深深的-

A very stupid thing happened during recess today -.-

Shall not mention the details. 不方便 and too unpleasant.

Seriously, what's wrong with you bunch of people. Not that we want to be stereotype and discriminate and look down on you guys .
你们真的很无理取闹，吃饱没屎拉，没事找事吵 ._. Damn childish and rubbish.
Hello 到底是谁错在先，你们还act一个理直气壮，恶人先告状. Can't believe I even tried to 心平气和和你们讲道理. Thank goodness I saw everything, or not you unreasonable bunch of shit will definitely push the blame to him.
They damn lol, at first still say 不小心, den exposed what I heard, they said 玩玩而已 说人家玩不起 lol. 谁要玩啊? Retards. Argh so pissed off.

请为自己的作为负责好不好，别做事降低自己，逼得别人瞧不起你们

他是我的朋友，而他也没有错，我是会保护他到底的
我料你们也不敢动手
Argh. Why are there people like this existing?

不向恶势力低头

Have you ever felt this very scary feeling in many times of your life where you feel a sudden surge of 恐惧感 (am I using the right phrase? ) ，一大堆的烦恼都突然涌上来?
好恐怖哦 D;
就是一种时不时会来的感觉 :/

那我现在就能列出我正在烦恼什么:

1. 我很怕那个东西算钱 :/
My phone keep on turning on the 3G thingy automatically, even if I keep turning off le. Today at granny's house, I picked up my phone, and caught the 3G thing again, and it sent me fb notification. THE THING IS I DIDN'T CHECK MY PHONE FOR A VERY LONG TIME, AND DIDN'T KNOW THE 3G WAS ON, SO IF THEY COUNTED ALL THOSE MINUTES, SIAO LIAO. MY DAJIE IS PAYING FOR MY BILL :/

2. MATHS TEST
I was worrying about it just now cos idk when's the test, thought it might be tmr. Phew, it's not :) thank goodness.

3. NYP PROJ
Haiyyy. I guess my group 应该是最落后的一组了 :/
So worried that Jacky and andy won't do what theyre suppose to do in time
Worried that we will simply screw the proj, we will screw the symposium ._.

4. MARCH CAMP STUFF
Hahaa. Typed and backspaced. Ok. I should shut up.
Case not closed yet D: 我真的很怕，但不知道在怕什么
Should I believe?

5. INTER UG CAMP
Mr hiew kinda rejected our proposal :/ siaoliao.

6. 明天开学了，怎么办
So not ready for school and all the stress
So afraid of tests, examinations, olevels, afraid of under performing
就是好怕好怕

7. 而我，下一步，到底该怎么走
我该怎么办
怎么做才是对的
我恐惧的 也渐渐逼近了
不能再继续不面对问题了


这一切的一切，一想到就仿佛让整颗心纠成一团
:/


-礼貌的就请别再惊动爱情吧 不想再为一时感触 以后被相同诺言惩罚 再次付出代价 这几天这几月这几年 我不怀念 这一刻这一分这一秒 你在我前面 回忆多痛苦 又被发现 我不愿 我不要我不想 在相同的地点搁浅 你的我的她的 就请划清界限 我过得很好 不要打扰 这一刻安静就好-

不知怎么的 过了这个新年 让我忽然对好多数字有感触
就听到表哥，表姐，表嫂 一直说道自己的年龄
赫然发现他们原来都好大了，最大的表哥都快步入40了，那不是属于爸、妈、阿姨他们的数字吗?
也不知我在感触良多个什么劲儿
我也开玩笑地举起了手说"Hello~我好像十八也不到"
其实我还蛮喜欢当最小的 :)
虽然表哥表姐姐姐们总是开玩笑地欺负我，还叫我"最小的，洗碗!"
Somehow I just ngeh ngeh squeezed into their generation where I get to know cartoons that my own classmates have never heard before. Like sailormoon. And in the very 5566 era. That's cool :D

Yeah, another awesome new year :))
1) Cousins are as crazy as ever ! ♥

2) Ah Hao so lucky la. Strike 4D still keep winning our money. Tsk.

3) I guess I won afterall . Thanks to this afternoon's daidi :D or not I would have lost, in bingo and blackjack from chu yi plus this morning xD

4) Didn't win AT ALL in bingo ); haha. The zodiac book told me to stay away from gambling. Hmmm.

5) This new year feels weird without ah wei ); haiyyy I feel quite sad for him, 佳节没能与家人一起度过, have to 过年 alone in UK ); JIAYOU, BIAO GE ♥

6) This year we didn't lao yusheng tgt as a big family at ah ma's house ); I rmb there was one year that da yi zhang purposely threw mahjong tiles inside the yusheng and shouted huat ah!,giving that smile and 引起公愤, but we still ate (DUH) xD I miss his forever smiling face ))); first new year without him ); hope he's okay there

7) YESSAHHH I GUESS 大姨AND 二姨 冰释和解了 :') saw them talking to each other normally :'))))) 看到自己的亲人好不容易冰释和解，真的好欣慰 :') it has been really long, I don't exactly know what happened, probably I'm too young, but yay I think it's okay now. Saw them talking while we were at 春到河畔 ytd, talking about some muah chee ca bo gao tiam xD and somewhere today, I forgot what ^^ yay. Just like that time 三姨 and 二舅 "quarrelled" :/

8) ahyong asked "what if someday we(cousins) quarrel? " hmmm never thought of this before. Hahahah. I guess it got all of us thinking but none of us actually replied. Hahah. 有点不可能吧. We're all so tick tiak xD

9) neighbour auntie so nice! She just 特地 brought angbao here for my sis and I. :') yes, like 5 seconds ago (as I'm typing this)

10) we were talking about how rare is it for us to find a spouse that is of the same channel as us(as tick tiak as us) hahaha. And our only 表嫂 for now, Fiona jie jie, is totally like that xD. Hahahah. One that will say that she's 28 when her eldest daughter is already like 11. Hahahah. Likka cool :) awaiting for next cousin's marriage xD

11) I like my 初一's outfit. Hahahah

12) Gillian is so gonna gain weight like mad ); fat enough already ); 从小到大没有瘦过 );

13) K last point. During dinner just now, Wendy and I were talking about many memories that happened in ahma house. From the many different new year that we had gone through to the sega games that we played, not to forget, the rubbish nicknames we created, for the game characters and some real human. Haha. Delifrance ahpek, spikey, lili, lulu, lala, 羊肉汤 hahah. Jiam tao eh. XD oops we gossip a lot :)

14) oh I wanna add! Dajie's real life kartrider last night!! Hahahah. Shall not mention the details

Pageview ytd: 16?!?!!
Aiyo :/

Not trying to chase ppl away
Im just afraid that what I say over here will be offensive for some
只是唯一一个能让我口无遮拦的平台
I shall make an apology here first for my 口无遮拦

Reason why I don't want ppl to come and read is because I dump all my troubles here
我喜欢自我封闭，不喜欢与人分享我的哀愁
一个人伤心，好过弄得大家陪我一起难过
所以看到我难过，请不要被我影响，不要担心
我真的没事的 :)

也谢谢你们的关心 :)

我会慢慢学着越来越坚强的
like what sir yong qing said "人生不苦就不是人生啊！when it's not going to be easy, that's when u know it's going to be worth it! :) like some songs said, 路有些曲折是美的！ "
Thank you, sir :)
For your concern and encouragement :)


Gonna finish 我可能不会爱你 原创剧本(the book) soon. Reading the last episode already.
Meaningful stories and lots of lovely 对白
Just read this line, which I found it quite true
"康雅，回旋舞的发源地。我忍不住为那单调的舞蹈哭泣，人们为什么总是旋转不止......？
到底我们的回旋，是为了寻找那个人，还是......我们一直在寻找的，其实是自己
回旋啊回旋......好愚蠢又好卑微的我们啊! ……于是，我哭了起来"

Finished Sermin's present!!
Sense of accomplishment :)
Hahahah

Chinese lesson was fun today, played cny related games and my group won :) yayyy
So malu, sang in front of the class to let my group guess "小娘惹" and "那些年，我们一起追的女孩" :O

Why today so not sleepy ):
Cny celebration tmr. Yay.
Sincerely hope 406 can win smth for class deco
Though winning shouldn't be the only goal :/
It's like my first year out of the 4years I really feel that my own class deco is.nice
But, this year's competition is just too scary ):
JIAYOU 406! ♥

Yay all 3 teams training tmr!!
May it be productive, meaningful and fun! ♥
My young kids be more appreciative please
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
May it be a really nice and awesome year.

K nights. 12.30am :/
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YING JIE!! ♥

Saw yuchan during recess and talked to her about training
And I finally couldn't stand it anymore and yeah, you know what im capable of D:
Really thanks , a lot people, for allowing me to cry all out
Sorry for affecting you people too.
I know I should stop letting my emotions affect myself so much and even affect others
So sorry. To yuchan, emily, alicia, yap ni, jun ru, eunice, huiwen, aderic adrian, charmaine, baobao.
放声大哭真的比在厕所里不出声地哭好(舒服)多了

I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON COMP TRAINING
I LOVE NA. ♥
Thanks chan and fatin for the jiayous on twitter ♥
I love seniors too :')
Xie xie zhen de hen xie xie.

Anyway, chem test sucked
Cui ttm no time plus so difficult plus my chem cui. Gosh.
FORGET IT.

Suddenly feel so stressed up by everything

Comp. Camp. AC. Studies

Fell asleep while doing amaths just now
Mum keeps telling me to get excused from cca cos she says im like so tired everyday
She feels that im not coping
And sec4 shld be excused

Yes, im failing test(s)
Yes, im sleeping late all night cos I reach home late and I have countless stuffs to complete
Yes, I've not been getting enough keep, usually just 5hours a day

Bad day. Left my stuff in homework file in stjohn room today.
My impt chem notes :/
Sighs
Im like blogging in the toilet now
How am I gonna tell my mum I cannot give up on training?

Call me childish or what idc
But sorry, 我真的觉得我很委屈

HELLO I GOT SCOLDED FOR NOTHING
THANKS MAN
You just made it my fault.

The harshful remarks you threw to me the day before, once you reached home, DO YOU THINK I FREAKING DESERVE THOSE. HELLO 你是姐姐ehh, why am I always the one cooking for you, settling your stuff, and I even stupidly help u keep that freaking big secret for years and years, and all I.get.is.your countless vulgarities and defaming in front of your friends.

And yes, the day before, when you came home while I was eating grandparents' leftover food cooked by dajie, and. you came right in and straight away demanded for food. And when I said im eating the leftovers you.just exclaimed HEARTLESS BITCHES 真是我们欠你的吗? All you do is complain and keep insisting that you're委屈. -.-

And today when you were cooking for your boyfriend and yourself, you asked me whether I want. Den when I said yes, you didn't bother to add more pasta. Wow thanks for asking. Lol I had to cook on my own all over again, wasting gas.
Den when my parents returned home, mum den asked me why didn't I.cook for my dad?
Den I just made a casual remark of saying, why are we wasting so much gas when erjie could have cooked all at one go. And good job, your reply made mum 为我冠上斤斤计较的头衔 and asked me why couldn't I give and take

REALLY?! Who is the one that is forever so selfish and xiaojie at home? Who is the one that will just keep leaving the bowl there till you go and wash for her(not to mention scolding you back "cannot wait is it?!"when you give her reminders)
And why do I even bother to feel guilty when things are left undone by you and end up doing instead
天底下又还有几个妹妹会在天灯许愿写下 "希望姐姐会学乖"

Sorry but I really feel very sad over all these
Call me 斤斤计较 but I really feel very hurt.

I have to settle the problem sooner or later

BUT I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW.

sorry but dont feel secure for any help now

逃避，并不能解决问题
我已经想不到周全的办法了
我不能又再一次把你的世界颠倒一遍
我不能放手搁下一切
有时，我多么希望我能有勇气直接说，我已经决定了，决定了什么都不决定
但那会沦为盲从
那真是我要的吗? 重点是，那是你要的吗?
我现在不想做决定，但问题总不能一拖再拖
对不起，是我把你拉进这火坑
我不能久留你在这被烧死
多宁愿被烧死的是我
你快逃，好不好

Activity today.
First full u for the year.
Okay, no, not the point.

Firstly, I wanna expose how ah shaun and ah randy are so not in their right mind today.
Ah shaun did all sorts of weird bitchy expressions and actions hahahahh like super sudden one. Even I tio cua. XD
Ah randy was seriously omg. He suddenly say "look at my smile on my happy face, I love st john" hahaha. I totally went to ask him, ni okay ma? Are you randy?!? Hahaha.
Something wrong with the 2 today. Hahah. Den when we were taking pic, Randy suddenly "3....2....1!" den pushed shaun very hard to bang onto sermin. Hahaha sermin instantly rage. Lololol~ funny kids

Took pictures with CS too yayyy
So glad I came into CS. With awesome department seniors and lovely department juniors. Awwww

And yay finally said out what I wanted to say to them.
对不起，我真的不能再忍受静静不说出来
因为我真的很不认同
Hope my time won't be wasted there again lol

Aiyo, too tired to maths or whatever. Games proposal killed me ); brain drained

Actually I didn't plan to work very hard for geog test tmr, but now, with sir wenbin's kind help, I feel I shouldn't 辜负 him like his I've 辜负ed miss Wong. First maths test of the year, and I failed it. First maths test failure in my life too :/ -guilty-

Cca today.
Whoots.
Just gotten home.

Got a little emotional and down just now, probably pmsing
Instantly felt that 我的squad 好无能. And that we appointment holders were actually quite fail in managing the corps, no offence to other appointment holders please.

Just feel that im quite fail too
Okay, im a little too late to have realised this.

Realised actually many ppl read my blog -gasps- :O just feel a little insecure, cos I just spill out whatever nonsense I feel here, this is like the only place I can vent too. I really wonder how ppl get their way to my blog D: I don't mention my url anywhere yeah.
Im sorry if im too offensive or crap.

English situational writing diagnostic test and freaking geog test tmr

And im tired. Dang.
Gillian, endure, training tmr!!
Hahah my lovelies were pestering me and insisting that I have really proper lunch just now.
Thanks :')

Rah. My shirt so smelly today D; whyyy.

Idk if im wrong, but I hope im correct, you seems happy over there now. I really hope you are. Cos I really don't think im able to do anything about it. Im sorry, I really am, for being this useless.

Oh yes to another person im sorry towards: im so sorry for repeatedly forcing you to do what you really didn't want to, and irritating and bugging you thruout the day. Sorry for being a nuisance here.

Oh yeahhh 2216 now!!
So happy I can sleep very soon alr
Thanks to today's day break
So thankful to lovely seniors that made xinmin proud
Proud till can go on zao an ni hao
Yay tang ftw hahah

Anyway just wanted to explain the reason behind changing my lovely previous blogskin away
Cos I wanna be able to blog and see my blog thru phone. The previous bs don't allow me to scroll to look at older post lol
Okay yeah but I still like that blogskin );

Long day tmr. Omg nights
English diagnostic test tmr too. Compo. Siaoliao

omg after reading
i really feel like rushing to her now and give her a really tight hug and 哭一场 ♥

谢谢你，亲爱的 ♥
你让我发现原来你们跟我爱你们一样也很爱我
而我并不是在孤军作战的
谢谢，真的很谢谢

而我真的要说，我是真的信任你们　♥

that day, i nearly wanted to tweet "sometimes, i really feel that im closer to my juniors than to my own squadmates ._." but it was way too..... (idk how to describe)
but it's way too much closer, till my juniors are majiam my squadmates instead ):

i really really really so so so so badly want some shared memories with my own squadmates yknowwwww
but so sorry, many of them simply dont care
some of you complain that everything is biased towards us
but, 事情我们不做你们就会上前来做吗?
你们都不来了
ouch
why why why why why why why why, just why
the greatest pain is my dear #01
4 more months left only 我对你的期望好像所剩无几
cant believe im stepping down soon
much sooner than i can expect
damn it. i love this place too much already
imagine life without having to plan first aid duty, without having to prepare for common break, without setting cases till midnight, without running about the school and shouting cheers in unison

and yes, im feeling the damn olevels stress after some seniors talked to me
我真的很想像他们一样为XMSJAB♥ 争光
让学弟妹，像我一样，真的为学长的成就感到兴奋与骄傲
但我越想, 越算， 越不可能
我真的好像办不到
起码七个LEYYY
不可以 不可以 不可以
怎么办
我最不希望的就是O水准重蹈PSLE的覆辙
我真的负荷不了另一个一生难忘的打击了

hey, i always tot this was a very secretive place );
oh no.
ohwell suan le

-因为有你陪 我的世界不再黑我的天空有你从此不再乱飞你就是我的翅膀 陪我到前方让我学会了雨和雷后 一定看见彩虹你就是我的翅膀 带着我飞翔累了之后有你为我取暖你让我更勇敢 更坚强-

这感觉 已经不对 我最后才了解 一页页 不忍翻阅的情节 你好累 你默背 为我掉过几次泪 多憔悴 而我心碎你受罪 你的美 我不配~

);

林秀慧真的累了

她厌倦了逃避
厌倦了不真实
厌倦了虚伪
厌倦了虚假
厌倦了自己承担
厌倦了这世界不再有人真正了解她
厌倦不再能对外卸下所有防备
厌倦不再能和人说真心话
厌倦了大家的不理解
厌倦了大家的瞎起哄
厌倦了"我不能自私"一直在脑海中盘旋
更厌倦了等待
等待自己想要的事情会发生

我到底能怎么做

那些年，我们一起追的女孩 is a really awesome book ah. Though it has been a while since I've finished the book, I just had time, and had the book to just blog about some lovely quotes.

"是的，就是这么暧昧，即使没有办法更进一步，我也乐在其中。
有人说恋爱最美的时期，就是暧昧不清的阶段"

"走在一起时，男生开始留心女孩是不是走在安全的内侧，女生则无法忽略男生僵硬手，是不是正在酝酿牵起自己的勇气"

"我想当一个很厉害的人。所谓的厉害就是......让这个世界，因为有了我，会有一点点差别。"

""

i like this part (((:
"沈佳仪，你对我喜欢你这件事有什么看法?"
"......"
"任何感觉?"
"我的天，你到底想说什么?"
"不是我想说什么，而是想听你说什么。"
"我怕你喜欢的那个我，不是真正的我。"
"什么意思?"
"柯景腾，你真的喜欢我吗?"
"喜欢啊，很喜欢啊。"
"我总觉得你把我想得太好了，我根本没有你形容得那么好，也没有你想像得那么好。你喜欢我，让我觉得很不好意思。"
"啊?"
"我也有你不知道的一面啊，我在家里也会很邋遢，有时也会有起床气，有时也会因为一点小事就跟我妹妹吵架。我就是很......很普通啊!"
"乱七八糟的，是看太多证严法师静思语的副作用么?"
"真的，你仔细想想，你喜欢我吗?"
"喜欢阿。"
"你很幼稚耶，根本没有仔细想，来，仔细想，想想再说"

"很希望我们之间的一切，最后能有个无悔的结果"

Credits to: 那些年，我们一起追的女孩 二〇一一年十一月初版四二〇刷
yup, i typed these from the book (((:
and of course, there are still more, but i cant rmb/find from the book alr D:

more from https://twitter.com/youaretheapple :

"她是他美好的初恋，也是他永远的青春。如果沒有這些无悔的青春情事，就不會有后來更懂爱的他們。 如此爱过于被爱的人生，将帶著情感的溫暖厚度，守护彼此尘埃落定的人生"

"我的青春，雖不完美，但我很喜歡；也因為它並不完美，才更显得真实可爱"

"不像考卷，所有困难的问题都会有解答。真实人生里，很多事情是没有答案的。"

"青春是一场大雨。即使感冒了，还盼望回头再淋它一次。"

"成长，最残酷的部分就是，女孩子永远比同年龄的男孩子成熟。"

-好想再回到那些年的时光 回到教室座位前后 故意讨你温柔的骂 黑板上排列组合 你舍得解开吗 谁与谁坐他又爱著她 那些年错过的大雨 那些年错过的爱情 好想拥抱你 拥抱错过的勇气 曾经想征服全世界 到最后回首才发现 这世界滴滴点点全部都是你 那些年错过的大雨 那些年错过的爱情 好想告诉你 告诉你我没有忘记 那天晚上满天星星 平行时空下的约定 再一次相遇我会紧紧抱著你 紧紧抱著你- 那些年-胡夏♥

Awesome last moments of 2011 and awesome first few moments of 2012 spent with lovely 202ers ♥
Though it was only 12 of us ):
Christmas exchange was not bad :))
I got aderic's super dua toblerone plus paul frank notebook from tw
Yeheng got mine :))
Mahjong-ed, bridge-d, tv-ed, not to mention soccer-ed lol man u lost to blackburn, all the guys so noisy. Hahah
Yk parents were kinda too friendly. Hahahah 跟我从永康口中听到的很不一样

Anyway, I really wanna say I will never win in mahjong, if we're playing with money. Hahahah. Justsaying
Im just so suay. But i'll usually win a lot, if we're just playing for fun ;))

Yay. Thanks 02ers for the awesome night :)))

Wl. Erjie slacking again -.-
Always expect us to do stuff for her, wts. -.-
Still keep scolding me vulgarities -.-

Okay. WHATEVER.

Back to posting. Lol
Impromptu clique outing cum exchange was cool too
I love cliquerlitesss.
Forever awesome only. Only we do retarded stuff. Hahahah lol

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起做梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
谁记得
谁忘了

我怀念的-孙燕姿
为什么我们不能像当年一样一起奋斗，一起努力
Am I being too demanding and unreasonable here?

Haiy, I know this time I'll definitely be blamed, be it secretly or openly

我搞不懂 我们到底怎么了

Here comes the scary feeling of drifting again

Feeling quite bad today, idk why.

Just feel very stressed up by the thought of taking 2

And 有些事，真的不能直接说出来
I'm so not in the position to comment about them, or even scold them, even when I truly know that what they are doing is rubbish.
And this is totally not the first time already, 若那一方的人不开口自己讲，
那我也只好忍住不开口
如果我骂了一次，还没有人肯听，更没有人肯在讲，那我真的没有资格多说什么了

And yes, like what happened ytd at home too.
I strongly believe in training, not in spoiling
Spoiling will just ruin their future.
Ohwells, nobody care afterall.

-可惜不是你 陪我到最后 曾一起走却走失那路口-

Had an awesome day out with Adrian and Kenneth. 一泡而红 was not bad :) just a little draggy and lol but not exactly bad :)

Had a nice chat at macs hahaha, after dangling around popular and ntuc, talking about all sort of stuff. Hmmmm

I can't believe 我在地铁上竟人然跟他们那么坦白了.

知道了很多 也说(泄漏)了好多， 但总比一直憋住好多了，说出来也比较舒服了，也不知道我为什么我很他们不是很熟却能那么坦白，或许就因为不熟，知道他们会比较客观，而就放心说出口了吧。世上我唯一能坦白的人好像也之只有一个 ):

近期我好像好常来博客了，好像最近心事和不能说的事比较多了

希望开学了烦人的事会比较少吧

大家加油

Happy day, but I've got work to settle, gosh.

Why why why me no printer at home?

Gotta mafan ppl every single time ><

gosh, footdrill assessment tmr ><

Compteams jiayou (L)

Our lovely polaroids, though we spammed like a lot more ;))

Crazy cousins :D

Attended another wedding dinner of someone in our lovely family
Today was weijian ah gu's, my 表舅, sounds old, but don't worry, he's just 20 plus :)) I've got quite a number of quite young biao jius :)))
说实在的 I'm very impressed by the wedding, somehow. And their cute story
The wedding was kinda cool, the video, the gatecrash and all, very nice.

但我觉得一切似乎好难好难
而且并非理所当然的

Hmm kinda wonder what my future will be and what will happen to me? Really curious, 但我不想长大
到了试婚年龄结婚就是理所当然的吗?
要怎样才能遇到一个适合你的人

Ohwells I'm really too young to think about all these, but yeah, justsaying

或许我长大了连嫁也嫁不出去 xD

有时候还蛮想有一台时光机，让我能瞄一瞄我的未来，再回到现实来

幼稚 :P

结婚到底是什么感觉?
我未来会幸福吗?
而我又能带给谁幸福呢?

Just some random thoughts that came to my mind
Not that im desperate to marry off :O

Lovely night with lovely cousins again ;D heheheheh I LOVE THEMMMM. Spammed polaroids :O some were really nice and cute though :) yay. My first polaroid kept by myself :))) though it was an NG one, but I don't mind such epic memories :))) hahahah.

Oh wells goodnight :))
MERRYCHRISTMAS by the way :))

Sometimes I really feel that im all alone already.
This feeling simply sucks.
But I really cant do anything.

有时我真的觉得 一个人付出，好累好累
对不起，或许又是我自己太自私了
但你们真的让我觉得就剩我一个了，让我觉得好孤独
虽然我表面上真的不说什么，但老实说，我真的在意
Probably sometimes I would secretly wish that you people will actually understand me more and know what im actually feeling.
But I know this is not.quite possible to ever happen
或若是你们知道了，也应该不会做什么吧

在意又有什么用，一切将不会有改变
我现在应该做的，就是尽全力把自己该做的是事都做的好好的，不辜负任何人。

林秀慧，加油
-我不是生气 只是心痛-

我不是生气 只是觉得你是不应该这样做的
今天若是那些小孩做了这件事，我或许还能接受，但... 好，算了...
换做今天若抽到你的不是我，那他们又会怎么看你呢?

Haiyy 我好像太容易就让别人觉得我失落了 ):
动不动就让别人觉得我不爽/生气
或许是我平时太high 了，只要安静一点，别人就以为我有心事了 :/
这怎么改也改不掉，真麻烦):

I kinda feel quite guilty too, for being slightly restless today ):
I guess I've probably affected training today and made it less productive, or even wasted their time

Today just isn't a good day. Idk why ):
对不起，若是我的情绪影响了你们 ):

Sometimes I really feel that im really not a good trainer.
I always forget a lot of things and cannot keep a lookout of you girls properly
And I kinda don't have the ability to point out the mistakes effectively, give constructive comments and help you girls be better, im even unsure of my knowledge sometimes.
我真的不想害了你们
我知道你们是多想赢的
我不是对你们没有信心，而是对我自己没有

-太美的承诺因为太年轻 但亲爱的那并不是爱情-

woah. i've got so much to blog about
and idk where exactly to start ._.

hmmmm just came back from 2nd grandaunt's funeral
yes, my 二姨婆, my maternal grandmother's younger sis ):
went down for 3 out of 5 days
又让我感受到很多，也发现了很多

i always feel blessed to have such maternal relatives
they are really awesome, i swear
it's like all of us are really proud of one another
and you can really feel the love
we do stupid things together, do crazy things together, sing crazy songs together, create lousy jokes together, laugh at silly things together, stay up late at night just to do weird stuff together(P.S. not just children, even adults xD)
i guess it was just in recent years then i(we) realised how strong our ties were, idk what had made it like this either.
perhaps it was funerals after funerals(pls stop here tyvm), dualiji after dualiji, weird quarrels that happened(like burn your ___ and ____) , idk. it's just so 奇妙, nvr felt so bonded with my family before
and i really feel that i really cant bear to lose any of them anymore

during one of the nights when we were at the wake, my mum kinda got a wood splinter on her palm, den my sa-kim quickly asked me to remove it for my mum, den immediately, san yi just "appeared" and passed my her stuff on her hand and grabbed my mum's hand and removed it in like 5 secs, it was sucha 温馨画面, like so awwwwww, idk whether i was the only one who felt this way, but it was like 当小妹有难时，姐姐便是立刻挺身而出

and that time when my parents nearly blew the whole house down and drive me crazy, sa-yi and dua-yi rushed to our house after my phone call too ._.

I LOVE MY AUNTS LIKE A LOT A LOT. ♥

another thing was something that happened this morning, before the funeral "ceremony" thingy started
when the "band" was playing those sad songs and i was carrying my young niece, rowena on my lap.

she kept looking at the band and suddenly she told me "that time ah gong pass away also got this", i was really shocked, i didnt expect her to remember that at all. she's like just 4yearsold. den she kept telling me that she wanna see the band
so i sat her facing them den she just sat on my lap and listened to them quietly
i really wondered what was going through in her mind
like was she thinking of her ahgong?
den i suddenly missed dayizhang a lot and kinda teared a bit :O
den i asked her questions like "do you miss ahgong?" she nodded very sincerely.

i miss dua-gu, si-gu and gor-gu too DDD:
丧失亲人好痛苦 ._.

sometimes i feel why must it always be our family who is sacrificing?
like ytd night, after that long ceremony and it was like midnight, we were the ones who removed all those banners and blankets, and this random auntie even just chup in and asked us to remove all those paper, plastics and wordings on the blankets, so people can just conveniently choose and take it home without needing the trouble of removing those "du-du"(yknow those plastic thingy that always hold on to those tags on your brand new shirts) one-by-one.
den sa-yi said okay lor, den we cleared all the blankets tgt, like around 10-15.
and today's lunch/dinner back at the wake place was damn lol
those aunties and uncles ttly just quickly chiong and snatch/chope all the tables once we reached back
den of course there wasnt any left for us, so we had to go to the coffeeshop to have our own meal
thanks sa-kim for the chicken rice treat xD she spent like near $70 i guess :O

and this is like definitely not the first time.
yeah. selfish ppl out there ):

WHATEVER MANZXC, I JUST LOVE MY (MATERNAL) FAMILY ♥ ;D

-如果难过 请你忘了我-

woo yeahhh duaji is backkkkk! after like 10months of studying in aust.

still getting use to reverting back to the previous room layout. Hahaha. but that's not the point

dajie's sec2 classmates came :> happy because this shows friendship in sec2 can really last till we're very old :P And her sec2 classmates are like her closet bunch of friends ever :') THAT'S VELI COOLL :D

Hmmm den we went to have dinner/supper tgt with her classmates(very 熟 with my family too) den they started talking about their other classmates and all their past.
one of her friend asked "我们felicity(their class name)还剩几个couple啊?" Hahaha. 这问题让我感受到了莫大的熟悉感 xD 202也是这样的 wor.

their class gathering majiam non-stop de (Y)

and it's like my sister also has a mixed gender clique. hahaha. and they often come to our house and all.

all these sounds familiar ah.

and more 不方便透露的 similar stories.

so much similarities, but would the ending be the same?

ILOVECOMPTEAM ILOVECOMPTEAM ILOVECOMPTEAM

Yay. though I really do feel tired being alone at times
But I ought to rmb no matter what, I have my 4 lovely kids with me who are really passionate and motivated to win this time.
Zhen de zhen de yi ding yao ying. Though I really don't like the idea of stressing them, but, 谁不要冠军啊.
有时候，似乎反而是她们在推动我
我真的真的真的相信她们，他们也一样.

虽然从来都没有亲眼目睹过，我真的很想看到中有一次真的会有3CHAMPS
I wanna see all the uber happy and contented faces of the seniors.
Did I mention they're really awesome? :')

ILOVEXMSJAB ILOVEXMSJAB ILOVEXMSJAB :D

Yay random post xD hahaha on my dad's new phone. :P

hahahaha owing too much posts~ :P
got lotsa stuff that i wanted/ planned to blog but hahahaha kinda too lazy, too tired, too sian of the laggy comp lololol

hmmmm am i making sense?


yay shall blog about the most recent thingy, HOSPITAL ATTACHMENT(:


10 things i've learned there:

1) lots of homenursing stuff really works like the hospital. SHOCKED. hahaha.
2) how to operate a BP, pulse, spO2 machine :D
3) how the nurse handle patients who cannot pee out:
-insert a tube and squeeze out the water (Y)
4) how to pronounce "dementia" (老人痴呆症)
5) how to use the cotside in CGH
6) the patients' food in the hospital isnt that bland afterall :D still got menu somemore (Y) quite nice yooo :D
7) how the food are actually transported to the ward
- this damn cool machine that will move by itself. (Y) and it will even autostop when it detects something/someone in front
8) how to correctly put a bib
- got this plastic side and this absorbent side with a pocket below. <--- the correct side
9) how to pull patient upwards on the bed
10) dementia patients hallucinate a lot )))): #poorthing ;(
- sometimes we just have to pei he their hallucination :O

hmmmm it's like 人年长到一个程度时，似乎就瞬间又变回像个小孩了
这让我忽然觉得人长命也不像是一件好事

ANYWAY, 我可能不会爱你 IS REALLY DAMN AWESOME LAAAA :D

last episode is gonna be out tonight. (11dec, sunday) ): quite sad there will be no more in time with you for me ):

haven watch ep12~ cos i think i cannot stand watching 12 and needing to wait for 1 week for ep13. hahahahah. lolololol. plus i kinda had no time this week cos of hospital attachment, training, study session, 202bbq, zone presentation and all. yada yada yada~

anywayzxc, zone presentation emceeing was scary ): i was the chinese emcee and i was kinda too nervous and mispronounced quite a few phrases ): but it was kind of a great and rare learning experience though xD

i think im loving XMSJAB more&more xD

-要说些什麽 应该说些什麽 告诉我还 能够为你 做什麽 不是普通朋友只是普通朋友的朋友到了最后 反而就 我们很不熟-

haiyy still too distracted for any work

like since morning T.T

feeling so terrible and helpless now.

i must solve this all by myself

i hope i can

anyway, my friday, saturday and sunday were uber awesome.

friday- went SAJC with some taiwan bicultural peeps for this "词有词理" event. quite cool. and there was derrick hoh. 不错帅yo. got kinda high. xD maybe partly cos 太久没有看到明星了 ): still feeling very sad for fahrenheit ): haizxc. to me, 他们永远都是四个人，不多也不少， 但愿他们都能发展得更好，一起发展当然是最好♥. sat beside yujie and charmaine. didnt expect yujie to get high too xD and adrian is..... hahahah. he and his 吴丝(吴俊伟的粉丝) funny ah. 想必台湾之旅会超级好玩♥ P.S. 每时每刻-何维健 is not bad yo

saturday- hao's 21st birthday ♥ lovely cousins, ftw! pure madness at hao's chalet. sucking helium was uber joke. xD spamming pictures were super epic and of course all the lousy jokes. xD loving them more and more xD

sunday- taiwan bicultural team sentosa outing ♥ lovely, awesome, fun time too. really got bond dao (: kinda fang xia xin tou da shi. but it could have been better la. mood was kinda ruined at the beginning, cos i was like thinking 为什么总是只有我们这几个在努力. ohwells. just hope they had fun with the activities dick and i planned. cos planning wasnt smooth at all. :O and thank goosness weather was good ytd. no rain, no big sun. just with a lil bit of lovely sunshine.

in conclusion, these 3 days were kinda lovely.
idk why today got so bad too

pondering on too much things
what others said to me and all
shucks i really needa study

dessertslstressed

脑海里有太多思绪

你们快离开，好吗?

我快受不了了

我真的很需要读书

我得靠华文

我的英文是肯定完蛋的

你们不要再闹我了

你们快走好不好

真的求求你们快点走

我在twitter一直吵着都觉得我自己烦了

帮帮我，好吗

我真的不要在想你们了

我已经决定了(是吧?)

好累了

够了 真的够了

-你想要的 我却不能够给你我全部 我能给的 却又不是你想要拥有的-

EOYZZZ

personally, i would say it's disappointing.
但我当然知道我没什么资格说....
但始终还很难再压抑失落的情绪...
just have to shut up and keep quiet

esp for geog and chinese i guess.
so what if i had scored.......... owells forget it

sick of talking about results.
i keep trying to convince myself i ought to be contented
but apparently i kinda cant.
just hope they wont freakingly put me in chinese band 1 again. i dont like that stress.
esp when i really cant do it now.


from this eoys, we can really see everyone working abnormally hard
but somehow the majority still screwed it
first time seeing many people "piah" until 3/4am in the late night yada yada
this is pure madness

OHWELLSSSS. IT'S OVERRRR ALL WE SHOULD DO IS SUCK THUMB, MOVE ON (:

JIAYOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU ;D

why must it be you again?

i really dont know what's with the disappointment ah
i ought to be used to it right?
crazyy.
oh yes. im upset over you again.
i really dont understand.

那种友情真的永远都唤不回吗?

我也不知道我为何还要死牢着那段快要逝去的友情

这些友情真的值得我一直努力挽回吗?

那我是否有真正珍惜过自己现在还存的友情?

我快要放弃了 快要虚脱了 下一个我 又是什么角色

-是我自己做梦你有改变什么-

oh yeah. ok great. i forgot what i wanted to post :O

hahaha.

hmmm. i still puzzled why things turned out to be like this. like super drastically.
):
this is scary and saddening :/
oh well. just hope they wont get so affected.
jiayouuuu.

gosh gosh gosh. eoyssszxc.
i dont think im ready.
haiy. not gonna stay up late anymore!
i promised that ytd would be the last night.
hahaha. shall just anticipate for sunny girl tonight.
gonna go amaths and geog todayyyy :O dont fail please
may today be productive for everyoneeee! :D

OH YES. (P.S. I LOVE MY JUNIORS. ♥ hehehehe. cos they love me too. not only bcos they are lending us xmjacket. but they;re just too lovely (: hehehe. the way they 不嫌麻烦地给予帮助 ♥ awwwww :D hehehe. thanks juniors. they're as lovely as seniors ♥ ♥ I LOVE XMSJAB♥)

202th POST!!! :D ♥

heheheheh! i said i would dedicate this post to 202! ♥ that explains why im here again though eoys start like the day after tmr. ._.

hahah. this is gonna be a short one and i'll continue to add more after eoy!

202 is....
Awesome.
Rubbish.
Thankful to have.
Hyperactive.
Unexpectedly cute.
Remarkable
Lovely.
Extraordinary.
Encouraging.
still have....
Bright.
Obscene.
Berserk.
Brain got SHIT.
Yellow(in the mind ._.).
Caring.
Hard-to-find.
Invincible.
Noisy.
heheheh. so cool right? ARTHURLEE and BOBBYCHIN (((:
hahaha. i'll continue soon. xD


uploading pictures that i still owe~~ :D hehehe

3more albums to go~:D

watching smurfs now with shihui, huiwen, ivan and jackyyy!
soooo cute lah omg. ((:
lalalalalala sing a happy songgggg
lalalalalala smurf the whole day longgg~ :D cute much

if smurfs ever exist as pets awwww hahahahah

oh yes oh yes. one more post to 202th posttt!!! shall dedicate it to AWESOME 202'10 ♥

this week have been ermmmmm. weird. just too slack ._. gillian!!! you gotta studyyyy omgg~
gonna die when exams really come

oh yes ANYWAYZXC, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARMAINE/SUCKER/PAPA/SU'S/SHOOTINGCAPTAIN/AWESOME306ER/AWESOME6ALIEN/ AWESOME CLIQUERLITE/WHATEVER LA!!!
so proud of my present for her lahh!! :D awesome artistic gillian12321 (((: yay.
we sang more than 12bday songs for her todayyyy xD
CHELSEA'S CARD WAS REALLY COOL ((: hahahah. CLIQUERLITES ARE JUST SO AWESOME. -like duh-

okayzxc. back to lalalalalala~ :D say byeeeee

[edited]
it's not that im angry or what.
i didnt say i didnt want to wait.
i would definitely wait if we could.
the reason why i insisted of waiting so that we can go tgt is like super clear yeah. not like i didnt foresee these :/
if you guys wanna thing im xiaoqi or what. so be it then.

LALALALALALA SING A HAPPY SONG

200th POST!!

last thing before i go to meet andy, cindy and jacky for nyp proj...

I LOVE XMSJAB! times a million!!! ♥

K THXBAI~

When are you ever gonna come back?

until now, i still dont understand why.

however people say you're not ever gonna come back. somehow, i would still have the tendency to hold on to that glimpse of hope. k. am i speaking sense. oh whatever.

cos i think it's not impossible. though possibility is low. BUT eventually it's still possibleee. our doors are always open, no matter how late it gets.

you used to read my blog and i used to read yours too. i wonder if you're still doing it now. i stopped when i realised you've kinda really stopped posting.

so what if you read this post? i doubt i can ever influence you anymore.

idk idk idk. idk what's happening and what you're thinking. and i kinda really wanna know.

dont like it when we're really really like strangers now. despite being that close just less than 2 years ago.

really long to have everybody back here together again. it is really impossible like what the others keep saying? 我选择握住那丝希望，哪怕它是多么的渺小. 虽渺小，但它毕竟还存在.

time is running ._.

-你离开的时候没有一句 没有一句对不起 对不起是我太执迷
你离开的时候没有一句 没有一句话说清 说清楚离开的原因-

Woah I needa chiong blog in 15mins
Needa study/homework soon
I guess something is very wrong with my body recently.
These few days like super tired till can't stay up late to study,den even after sleeping for very long, I don't seem to get refreshed and energetic for the next day. In fact still "sleepier" den ever :O
Shit this );

Mock comp
Idk why, somehow I couldnt feel the fighting spirit out yet :O #justsaying just that lil feeling I got
Probably cos it's isn't comp yet?
But that shouldn't be the mindset, I feel.
But to be frank, I felt that little disappointed. Idk why );
Not because of result but the attitude.
Not only for AC.
或许是我太容易失望了?
That feeling was simply weird, I just dk how to describe.
And to my 2 little boys: Will you please please please buck up?
Will you please realise how badly you're pulling the team down and you stop doing that? (This was really harsh, so I've decided to keep to myself instead of telling them straight in the face)
They don't seem to understand how desperately the seniors are trying to pull the team up
And even after my whole list of straightforward and harsh remarks, I bet you guys still treated it as though I was kidding. Throughout the whole debrief with them, only wenhan had the serious face and attitude to hear me talk.
I hope my comments didn't make wenhan more stressed up instead.
His face for the whole day after that was simply: 沮丧
): feel so sad for my lovely AC#1 ah );
Didn't get to see shaun after that, but I bet he felt even more terrible ):
Ah ))):

Htt
Brought grampy there ytd
Was sitting with him while we were waiting.
I wanted to find something to talk to him about, cos he looked bored
But I really couldn't find any topic to start on D;
Den I started pondering : Why was I able to chat with the elderly during hospital attachment so normally, but can't even find something to talk to my own grandfather? ):
#thisisbad ):

Oh yes, sin zai ya was (Y)(Y)!
One look at my pacifier keychain and she was like telling me in hokkien 你很没有空啊?
Woah I stunned "an zua lee eh zai?"( "怎么你知道?") Hahah
Damn joke.
Den I was telling her that I'm having exams, just halfway through.
Den she was like saying she have faith in me.
Woah.
I guess she knows that I'll feel better and motivated with these little words :)
Yeah, I kept thinking about it.
I hope I really can do it.
She also said about my erjie, said she's very distracted, her "studying" is simply putting a book in front but nothing goes in ); this is worrying ); haiy ):
She complained about my dajie on twitter again ytd ._.

do xia sin zai ya

- 赤裸裸的失落 一目了然的痛 让我无法说泪 是因为吹风-

)):
I really hope not

Why must I always get so affected by these negative comments );

Really afraid of AC commitments now.
DANG ));

PURE GEOGRAPHY. ELECTIVE HISTORY TMR.
DIE.
AH OMG. D;

This time it was dajie who talked to me about it.
Things are getting a little serious I guess. Hmm I should say 我们三姐妹很少"interfere" or talk/ask about our life in school since young.
This morning she just "你有必要每天读书读到这么晚吗?"
Cos I always reach home late, start studying late, end late, sleep late, and always end up setting dk how many phone alarms just to wake me up the next morning. And yeah, they often ring and ring and wake them up instead cos I couldn't wake up.
Then, when I tried to explain(with the same reasons) She was like "为什么你那么kaypo?..." "...这样你只会害到你自己"
Not that she was trying to be nasty, I got what she meant.
She's just this straightforward.
I find it hard, very very hard to explain to others anymore
5more weeks.
我知道最辛苦的不是我
I have faith, but at the same time really afraid to. :/

ENDURE KIDS

为什么我不会为了无数个正面的鼓励变坚强，却会被区区一个负面的评语立即再次被击倒? :/

或许是我多心了 但那些你对我说的话让我觉得看起来好讽刺

对不起，或许真的是我没及时改变他们，让他们继续这样的

那我口口声声说的努力 或许在你(们)眼中从来都不足够

谢谢亲爱的宝贝们给我的安慰和鼓励，谢谢你们这么爱我，这么疼我
但我只能说，我最终还是被那么一个人的评语给打败了

不想再解释了

我的天空今天有点灰 我的心是个落叶的季节 我不知道如何度过今夜 所有的灯早已经全都熄灭

Not much about studies this time.
到了最后，你们那道歉似乎像是nurul硬从你们屁股挖出来的
对不起，我真的无法感受到你们的诚意，
你们真的听懂了吗?
我真的很不解

Fine if you guys think it's what some "women's logic"
This disappointment is really too much
Try pushing them since months and months ago
And all you get is their 不屑
Is their 左耳进，右耳出
Is their hatred for this place

I don't know why I'm so upset either
Don't wish to explain anymore

Today simply sucked.
Omg. Not to mention screwing 1 more test again.
24/40 for differentiation test

Sick and tired of screwing every single shit of my life
累了大半天 还两头不到岸
Nyp proj how. I guess my group can be named the 最落后的group.

Moodswings are pieces of shit
I'm sorry.
Really sorry.

Whyyyyy omg )));
So saddening to see her 片段 of her years on the taiwan news.
She's indeed a legend
谢谢您对华文音乐歌坛的贡献 :')

Omg all her songs just keep playing in my mind now, maybe not all, but all that I know );
Haiyyy.

Anyway, HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY. quite hard and weird to be posting this but yeah, was really happy in the day just now
I had written around 56 cards for lovely friends, seniors, juniors around me.
The ones that I'm most proud of are the compteams ones!
Had a letter each from the word "COMPETITIONTEAMS'12" behind every single card I made for them, all 19 of us, wrote for myself too.
或许我时不时需要一点自我鼓励吧 may seem retarded but ohwell.
Really 用心做礼物this time okay, cos I feel ppl around are nice enough and really deserve some appreciation!
Thanks for loving me, people :D
我也爱你们!
情人节快乐!
谁说情人节一定要有情人才能过，朋友是再好不过的情人了!

AND MAY THINGS BE BETTER BY THIS WEEK. SO WORRIED )); 我要你们相亲相爱

-很少说谢谢 但我爱你就像你爱我-

So much to blog about interUG camp :D
It was awesome, I should say :D
Really made lots of new awesome friends, be it bonding a lot with many trainers or knowing a lot of sec3 UG peeps
Haolian girl(ME) is gonna hao lian again, I REMEMBER ALL THE NAMES OF THE CAMPERS LE! Saying since the first night I guess :)) hehe so happy.
I would say this was a success, because what mattered to me was that the campers have fun, and I guess that's indeed the case ah

I really want to praise my SUPER LOVELY AWESOME FANTASTIC WONDERFUL ZAISHIT sec3s ♥
我真的很爱你们 times a million ♥
Make sermin, shaun and I so touched and proud of you lovelies omg ♥
Thanks for always doing the right thing, thanks for daring to lead, thanks for being so responsible and showing so much initiative ♥
Even all the other trainers were so amazed by you ppl
I rmb Jesmond telling me "wah, why your SJAB so serious one? Fall in stand until so straight!"
Gerald telling me "I think the most zai UG is SJAB"
Chin Siang telling me "wah, seriously your junior ah! The group damn zai....." (I forgot what) he was referring to the pictionary game, yeah that group was imba, siang showed me their mahjong paper. Hahahah (Y) and ya, he mentioned yuchan :))) hahahh. I guess group 4 drove siang and gerald crazy xD
Even Mr hiew mentioned in 1 part of the debrief the first fall in and we asked for volunteers for group ICs, only SJAB ppl fall out. (yeah, it was 3 sjab (wenhan, alicia, nurul) and 1npcc(waileong))
And jesmond facepalm during Mr hiew's debrief and mrhiew asked for volunteer to lead 3 cheers for the facils and then for the whole camp. First volunteer was Nurul den was Yingjie, den jesmond ttly facepalmed Hahah

Really want to thank so many people personally :D for making this camp so lovely and nice, esp mainly of the camp comm peeps ♥
Of course firstly 我家的 ♥
Sermin: thanks for your awesome admin work, thanks for being there for me, and hearing me rant, and thanks for your great help in the station games as a station master :))

Shaun: thanks for being our awesome CHARLIE BOSS and FAB(First Aid Boss)(he insisted to be called like this)cos he's the first aid IC :) and yes, he really don't have image :) thanks for being a reasonable and responsible boss :)

Jesmond and Junji: Really great nightwalk IC and great ALPHA BOSSES TOO :D thanks for respecting us also! It was really great working with them, efficiently, responsible, not overpowering and yeah, understanding. Thanks for the station games help too! My station 2 and 3 ICs :D 让我很放心的给他们做主

Ian: Hahaha Really funny boy! :) hahah we so mean, keeping joking about him(in front of him, or I shld say simply directly to him. Thanks for being so nice and friendly :))) letting sermin and I help his group too TRICKY 3 :DD thanks for being appreciative too! :D

Jacky and Kawee: 2 super nice and responsible logistics IC :D always efficient and preparing my super ma fan logistics before hand :D and pack them really nicely for me to collect and use anytime :) and Jacky settling the messy logistics in st john room, accounting for every single logis for the camp :)) and yes, taking our orders for meals and going out to buy for facils :D xie le! Thanks Jacky for.comforting me during the first night of the camp, asking me to see stars and be happy, hahahah this camp 让我更证实that my lovely 202ers 都是好人, I got 5 with me in this camp :') Thanks :)但其实这都不用证实 :) we know right :)

ZhengYing: hehehehe our uncle sani! Key master :) had a nice chat with him about our WHAT THE FROG ♥ yuwei, him and I were in the same adventure camp group :)) memories of AC10 and our wondergays :) another funny guy :) hahah, nice and friendly too :)

Gerald and ChinSiang: always really to help although helpers were called at quite last min. And thanks for the station games help too :) though I had only asked you guys the day before when my original station master couldnt make it for the games. And yes, thanks Gerald for being appreciative :))) very :)

Yuwei: XiaoBRAVO!!! Thanks for always volunteering to help :)) and handling the keys during nightwalk when nobody dared to because of the "ling ling ling" sound the whole bunch of keys will make. Hahahah :)) and helping with our station at the nightwalk too :))

Hahahah the how many meh meh kind of question drove everyone crazy omg :)))
Esp zhengying, kawee and jesmond hahaha, repeating all these jokes all night long to them den they only know the meh meh joke like in the morning. HAHAH
Yeah, didn't sleep a single minute in camp.
Thanks sermin for doing maths with me till 5.30 in the morning, den she slept while I did some chem.

Lesson learnt: Serious lack of sleep results in serious insanity and abnormalities
Omg even I couldnt stand myself.
Went on doing all sorts of stupid things hahaha so diulian

I was surprised first aid lesson for them had a not bad response from them :)
Especially the roller bandage part :) even our sj kids found it interesting too, cos it was the first time they were learning how to tie onion and all :))
Yay :)
Cong Ming was like "why didn't I join st john instead?"
Haha awwww :') den I was saying like haha it's too late den he replied it's never too late or smth de hahahah funny npcc boy, he always have the super eager and enthu face :)) and always like so positive :) hahaha
Yeah, met many interesting campers like congming, waileong, dylan, ziming, thao wei, haibin, tawcun, kerry and all :))
Hahah waileong+dylan=insanity :)) even since adventurecamp11 hahah my campers in the same group again xD
oh yes, i asked some of them whether they preffered march camp or this
yujia told me "march camp, because march camp is more challenging" :')
wenhan is such a gentleman ttm. cos my station game was "Pass it on with your body" where they will draw lots to pick a body part to transport the sponges to the other pail on the other end. Wenhan picked thigh, den his pair's was lower arm. 照理说, the girl can just bend that little bit and press the sponge onto his thigh and they can walk normally, but what wenhan did immediately was lifting up his leg 90degrees, den i was like "wenhan, 你在做什么?!" And he replied, "哪里可以让一个女孩子bend?" Omg :')) WHY HE SO LOVELY AND NICE?

I THINK BB PEEPS ARE REALLY NICE :DD ALPHA!:) be it the seniors or the juniors! So nice working with them :)
Yay. 合作愉快 :)))! 期待下一次的合作 :)

Hmmm what else do I wanna say hahah.
YES YES, THANKS SENIORS FOR THEIR CONCERN AND LOVE :'D
Thanks sir Adam for deliverying lozenges for sermin,shaun and I in the middle of the camp :)
Thanks maam shili and sir wenbin for offering their food to sermin when they met her and heard that we haven't had lunch :')
Shall post what I tweeted here too:D :
I REALLY LOVE MY DEAR JUNIORS LIKE A LOT A LOT ♥ feel so blessed to have so nice CCA seniors and juniors ♥♥♥ XMSJAB :'))))))

Seriously

You ppl want the power yet don't do your things right
Where were all of you when we were covering your job?
Den what's the point of giving you guys positions?

And just now you made that issue sounded like our fault when 你明明就很想当?
我们让你，活该吗? :/
And now you guys are making decisions on your own, without discussing with us at all, thanks ah
The world don't simply revolves around you okay -.-
别以为自己有多了不起
为了一点点小成就就到处炫耀
你们也该为你身边的人多多着想，你们从不去在乎他们其实有多难受
I feel it hilarious how they can backstab one another like that.
给你们面子你们却得寸进尺

I hate people who are power hungry
Seriously -.-
It's our ____ NOT YOUR ____ why should we follow your way for everything

The reason why I love to read blogs
Blogs of ppl around me.
往往都是真情流露，写入心坎的
It's easier to blog than to say something out loud openly ._.

Blog reading always make me ponder a lot

I always wonder why can't others be as passionate in sj as I do?
How can I make the rest feel the same way too?
I can't seem to find any answer.
It's tiring to be the only one hyper-ing
Oh wells. Won't it be nice if I can have a whole squad of enthu ppl that will be willing to commit with me?
But I truly know, my dream will never ever come true.
And how can I let my sec2 kids love stjohn like we do and not hate it like coming for activity is the end of the world.
I failed to handle my own squad and my sec2 squad.
I'm sorry.
或许我真的没有那种能力去感染你们
我真的不会

I really dw xmsj to go down D: yet idk how can I help

Oh yes, there was something that I've been wanting to blog about.
._. 我很担心他们总有一天会闹翻 haiyyy
或许当初把他放在那个位置就是个错误了
这也让我想你们为何当初做了那个选择

Back from the doctor's.
MC today.
Probably I really need a break.
Slept for 13hours omg.
Even I got a shock :O
太久没好好睡一场了
Have been sleeping for 5hours on average ._.
But apart from sleeping this much, I still have to spend my day off doing homework.
Too eventful weekend D;
Plus too nuah for work.
Have been battling with these illness since like 5days ago.
Hahaha 我终于病倒了
38.4 ytd when I reached home from val's bday celebration. D:

Saturday was HQ training then dick's house with 02ers plus Timothy.
Hope HQ training was productive for the nursings despite of my slight restlessness and fatigue. D:
Totally train 到一半不能讲话 and gotta write everything down ._.
Thanks seniors for the help too :')
Thanks for all the care, concern and love from compteam too!! ♥

On the way to dick's house, saw nutnut on the train! He entered the same carriage somemore :)
Thanks huiwen for helping me bring panadol! :))
Thanks aderic for his fever kool pad :) hahaha, stupid me damn suaku, never use before den never take out the plastic (Y)
Hahaa nut was nice (to me) that day, hope he won't stop. He was on winning streak that day. Haha
I won in the end at night too :) consecutive 2 blackjacks and den 1 ngohleng xD poor dick. But he won $6plus lo.
Our original plan was to play at dick's house till dinner time den we go eat some 好料tgt. But after searching and thinking for damn long we decided to aiya go ntuc buy ingredients and lets have homecooked steamboat (Y)
This backup plan turned out to be very awesome :)
I would say the guys were damn crazy. Never ever let them take charge of the grocery shopping again, 7packs of 7cheese tofu, 2 big bags of around 40+ 韭菜plus肉 dumplings. #facepalm dinner time was even more hilarious omg.
Looking at the 2 idiots(kawee and Ivan) sitting right in front of me will simply make me laugh die omg. 1 clearing cheese tofu another clearing dumplings
I really love the 02 bond :') like a lot a lot

Sunday was valerie's birthday surprise :) planned by her mum, damn cool la :) she approached me to help contact my primary school clique :) hahah. Korean bbq lunch at iluma
Val cried (she seldom does) :)
Cliquerlites met at my house to make her present in the morning :) a very lovely board with our pics and wishes :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VALERIE ♥ , MY BEST-EST PRIMARY SCHOOL FRIEND SINCE P2!

I actually typed most of these on the bus rides just now

Sounds very 拽, very haolian right
Nope, I'm not trying to do that.
Not I say one! Hahah
This is quoted from BB CSM ;))))
我不否认I just had this little burst of pride deep inside
Hehe. I guess they saw comp team training before geog rec ytd and he came to tell me
Whoots :)
Hahahah #justsaying

I'm happy and proud of my corps.
Would it be nice if everyone feel the same way?
But how ):
Ohwells. Finally can come home early!
Sec1 kids coming in tmr, more of worried than excited.
SIGHS. ))):

Ss and physics tmr! Kthxbai!
Gonna screw it. Cos I didn't had time to study beforehand.
Guess what? I screwed Chinese test today ._.
Haven't been bringing any good results back home for parents to see.
NOT AT ALL.
Bad sign );

OH YESSS. Adventure Camp facil recruitment today.
Titanic cheer during morning assembly with ac camp comm.
Gosh, for the whole day, I keep hearing ppl telling me that im damn loud and they can only hear my voice
I guess I heard at least 20 times of that comment. Even bu shou ppl told me :O
Gosh. So malu D; diuliannnnn
Me want many many and good good facil ;)))

有时候，我只需要你们再体谅我多一点

就连我父母也不例外

请你们相信我做的事，都是有原因的，好吗?

我已经试着不再很多人面前喊累了

我还能承受都少磨练?

连我自己也不知道了

拯救地球好累 虽然有些疲惫 但我还是会
不要问我哭过了没 因为超人不能流眼泪

Training ended on time today.
Lots of funny things happened. Yonghao and yingjie and si en, haiyyy. Hahahah.
男女之间能有纯友谊吗?
那当你发现另一方对你的感觉已超越了纯友谊，那你将会怎么做呢?
最重要的是，千万不能搞到大家连朋友也没得当 :O
遇到这种事的人，加油吧!

Footdrill and first aid assessment is cancelled. Hmm just having mixed feelings about it. Idk why.

Had an awesome bus ride home, plus a great chat with my 2 AICs :)
Hahahah I shall not expose what happened :)
Yay it's nice working with them :) and my entire committee :)
AC recruitment on thursday! Please let it be a success and I can get really good facils. #beforeolevelwish AC12 TO BE A GREAT GREAT GREAT SUCCESS :D

Super tiring week. Ought to be glad I'm having an additional day break on thursday because assessment is cancelled.
Or not I'll be having 6 consecutive days of cca this week.
Jiayou, Gillian.
Praying hard that I won't fall sick too. :/

hahahahah. esp after reading his book i bought from taiwan 音乐=影像=/=音乐 (weird book name, but ohwell)

talented (Y) super.
some told me "he also not handsome"
但他真的很值得欣赏
who cares whether he is shuai or not?
i like how he can really transform very factual and 生活 thing into lovely songs
and express his own thoughts

我不配 is so nice #justsaying xD


woo. kiteflying with corps was fun.
though it rained quite a bit
den we played the very weird wet weather game-back to back
sad to say, quite fail ):
dk whether the corps enjoyed it
but im glad we still could fly kites at the end.

uber random post.
feeling very weird now. 开心不起来
deadlines are killing me.
我好无能

-因为你已是过客 因为路有些曲折是美的-
-反而我没有遗憾 因为我已爱过你深深的-

A very stupid thing happened during recess today -.-

Shall not mention the details. 不方便 and too unpleasant.

Seriously, what's wrong with you bunch of people. Not that we want to be stereotype and discriminate and look down on you guys .
你们真的很无理取闹，吃饱没屎拉，没事找事吵 ._. Damn childish and rubbish.
Hello 到底是谁错在先，你们还act一个理直气壮，恶人先告状. Can't believe I even tried to 心平气和和你们讲道理. Thank goodness I saw everything, or not you unreasonable bunch of shit will definitely push the blame to him.
They damn lol, at first still say 不小心, den exposed what I heard, they said 玩玩而已 说人家玩不起 lol. 谁要玩啊? Retards. Argh so pissed off.

请为自己的作为负责好不好，别做事降低自己，逼得别人瞧不起你们

他是我的朋友，而他也没有错，我是会保护他到底的
我料你们也不敢动手
Argh. Why are there people like this existing?

不向恶势力低头

Have you ever felt this very scary feeling in many times of your life where you feel a sudden surge of 恐惧感 (am I using the right phrase? ) ，一大堆的烦恼都突然涌上来?
好恐怖哦 D;
就是一种时不时会来的感觉 :/

那我现在就能列出我正在烦恼什么:

1. 我很怕那个东西算钱 :/
My phone keep on turning on the 3G thingy automatically, even if I keep turning off le. Today at granny's house, I picked up my phone, and caught the 3G thing again, and it sent me fb notification. THE THING IS I DIDN'T CHECK MY PHONE FOR A VERY LONG TIME, AND DIDN'T KNOW THE 3G WAS ON, SO IF THEY COUNTED ALL THOSE MINUTES, SIAO LIAO. MY DAJIE IS PAYING FOR MY BILL :/

2. MATHS TEST
I was worrying about it just now cos idk when's the test, thought it might be tmr. Phew, it's not :) thank goodness.

3. NYP PROJ
Haiyyy. I guess my group 应该是最落后的一组了 :/
So worried that Jacky and andy won't do what theyre suppose to do in time
Worried that we will simply screw the proj, we will screw the symposium ._.

4. MARCH CAMP STUFF
Hahaa. Typed and backspaced. Ok. I should shut up.
Case not closed yet D: 我真的很怕，但不知道在怕什么
Should I believe?

5. INTER UG CAMP
Mr hiew kinda rejected our proposal :/ siaoliao.

6. 明天开学了，怎么办
So not ready for school and all the stress
So afraid of tests, examinations, olevels, afraid of under performing
就是好怕好怕

7. 而我，下一步，到底该怎么走
我该怎么办
怎么做才是对的
我恐惧的 也渐渐逼近了
不能再继续不面对问题了


这一切的一切，一想到就仿佛让整颗心纠成一团
:/


-礼貌的就请别再惊动爱情吧 不想再为一时感触 以后被相同诺言惩罚 再次付出代价 这几天这几月这几年 我不怀念 这一刻这一分这一秒 你在我前面 回忆多痛苦 又被发现 我不愿 我不要我不想 在相同的地点搁浅 你的我的她的 就请划清界限 我过得很好 不要打扰 这一刻安静就好-

不知怎么的 过了这个新年 让我忽然对好多数字有感触
就听到表哥，表姐，表嫂 一直说道自己的年龄
赫然发现他们原来都好大了，最大的表哥都快步入40了，那不是属于爸、妈、阿姨他们的数字吗?
也不知我在感触良多个什么劲儿
我也开玩笑地举起了手说"Hello~我好像十八也不到"
其实我还蛮喜欢当最小的 :)
虽然表哥表姐姐姐们总是开玩笑地欺负我，还叫我"最小的，洗碗!"
Somehow I just ngeh ngeh squeezed into their generation where I get to know cartoons that my own classmates have never heard before. Like sailormoon. And in the very 5566 era. That's cool :D

Yeah, another awesome new year :))
1) Cousins are as crazy as ever ! ♥

2) Ah Hao so lucky la. Strike 4D still keep winning our money. Tsk.

3) I guess I won afterall . Thanks to this afternoon's daidi :D or not I would have lost, in bingo and blackjack from chu yi plus this morning xD

4) Didn't win AT ALL in bingo ); haha. The zodiac book told me to stay away from gambling. Hmmm.

5) This new year feels weird without ah wei ); haiyyy I feel quite sad for him, 佳节没能与家人一起度过, have to 过年 alone in UK ); JIAYOU, BIAO GE ♥

6) This year we didn't lao yusheng tgt as a big family at ah ma's house ); I rmb there was one year that da yi zhang purposely threw mahjong tiles inside the yusheng and shouted huat ah!,giving that smile and 引起公愤, but we still ate (DUH) xD I miss his forever smiling face ))); first new year without him ); hope he's okay there

7) YESSAHHH I GUESS 大姨AND 二姨 冰释和解了 :') saw them talking to each other normally :'))))) 看到自己的亲人好不容易冰释和解，真的好欣慰 :') it has been really long, I don't exactly know what happened, probably I'm too young, but yay I think it's okay now. Saw them talking while we were at 春到河畔 ytd, talking about some muah chee ca bo gao tiam xD and somewhere today, I forgot what ^^ yay. Just like that time 三姨 and 二舅 "quarrelled" :/

8) ahyong asked "what if someday we(cousins) quarrel? " hmmm never thought of this before. Hahahah. I guess it got all of us thinking but none of us actually replied. Hahah. 有点不可能吧. We're all so tick tiak xD

9) neighbour auntie so nice! She just 特地 brought angbao here for my sis and I. :') yes, like 5 seconds ago (as I'm typing this)

10) we were talking about how rare is it for us to find a spouse that is of the same channel as us(as tick tiak as us) hahaha. And our only 表嫂 for now, Fiona jie jie, is totally like that xD. Hahahah. One that will say that she's 28 when her eldest daughter is already like 11. Hahahah. Likka cool :) awaiting for next cousin's marriage xD

11) I like my 初一's outfit. Hahahah

12) Gillian is so gonna gain weight like mad ); fat enough already ); 从小到大没有瘦过 );

13) K last point. During dinner just now, Wendy and I were talking about many memories that happened in ahma house. From the many different new year that we had gone through to the sega games that we played, not to forget, the rubbish nicknames we created, for the game characters and some real human. Haha. Delifrance ahpek, spikey, lili, lulu, lala, 羊肉汤 hahah. Jiam tao eh. XD oops we gossip a lot :)

14) oh I wanna add! Dajie's real life kartrider last night!! Hahahah. Shall not mention the details

Pageview ytd: 16?!?!!
Aiyo :/

Not trying to chase ppl away
Im just afraid that what I say over here will be offensive for some
只是唯一一个能让我口无遮拦的平台
I shall make an apology here first for my 口无遮拦

Reason why I don't want ppl to come and read is because I dump all my troubles here
我喜欢自我封闭，不喜欢与人分享我的哀愁
一个人伤心，好过弄得大家陪我一起难过
所以看到我难过，请不要被我影响，不要担心
我真的没事的 :)

也谢谢你们的关心 :)

我会慢慢学着越来越坚强的
like what sir yong qing said "人生不苦就不是人生啊！when it's not going to be easy, that's when u know it's going to be worth it! :) like some songs said, 路有些曲折是美的！ "
Thank you, sir :)
For your concern and encouragement :)


Gonna finish 我可能不会爱你 原创剧本(the book) soon. Reading the last episode already.
Meaningful stories and lots of lovely 对白
Just read this line, which I found it quite true
"康雅，回旋舞的发源地。我忍不住为那单调的舞蹈哭泣，人们为什么总是旋转不止......？
到底我们的回旋，是为了寻找那个人，还是......我们一直在寻找的，其实是自己
回旋啊回旋......好愚蠢又好卑微的我们啊! ……于是，我哭了起来"

Finished Sermin's present!!
Sense of accomplishment :)
Hahahah

Chinese lesson was fun today, played cny related games and my group won :) yayyy
So malu, sang in front of the class to let my group guess "小娘惹" and "那些年，我们一起追的女孩" :O

Why today so not sleepy ):
Cny celebration tmr. Yay.
Sincerely hope 406 can win smth for class deco
Though winning shouldn't be the only goal :/
It's like my first year out of the 4years I really feel that my own class deco is.nice
But, this year's competition is just too scary ):
JIAYOU 406! ♥

Yay all 3 teams training tmr!!
May it be productive, meaningful and fun! ♥
My young kids be more appreciative please
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
May it be a really nice and awesome year.

K nights. 12.30am :/
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YING JIE!! ♥

Saw yuchan during recess and talked to her about training
And I finally couldn't stand it anymore and yeah, you know what im capable of D:
Really thanks , a lot people, for allowing me to cry all out
Sorry for affecting you people too.
I know I should stop letting my emotions affect myself so much and even affect others
So sorry. To yuchan, emily, alicia, yap ni, jun ru, eunice, huiwen, aderic adrian, charmaine, baobao.
放声大哭真的比在厕所里不出声地哭好(舒服)多了

I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON COMP TRAINING
I LOVE NA. ♥
Thanks chan and fatin for the jiayous on twitter ♥
I love seniors too :')
Xie xie zhen de hen xie xie.

Anyway, chem test sucked
Cui ttm no time plus so difficult plus my chem cui. Gosh.
FORGET IT.

Suddenly feel so stressed up by everything

Comp. Camp. AC. Studies

Fell asleep while doing amaths just now
Mum keeps telling me to get excused from cca cos she says im like so tired everyday
She feels that im not coping
And sec4 shld be excused

Yes, im failing test(s)
Yes, im sleeping late all night cos I reach home late and I have countless stuffs to complete
Yes, I've not been getting enough keep, usually just 5hours a day

Bad day. Left my stuff in homework file in stjohn room today.
My impt chem notes :/
Sighs
Im like blogging in the toilet now
How am I gonna tell my mum I cannot give up on training?

Call me childish or what idc
But sorry, 我真的觉得我很委屈

HELLO I GOT SCOLDED FOR NOTHING
THANKS MAN
You just made it my fault.

The harshful remarks you threw to me the day before, once you reached home, DO YOU THINK I FREAKING DESERVE THOSE. HELLO 你是姐姐ehh, why am I always the one cooking for you, settling your stuff, and I even stupidly help u keep that freaking big secret for years and years, and all I.get.is.your countless vulgarities and defaming in front of your friends.

And yes, the day before, when you came home while I was eating grandparents' leftover food cooked by dajie, and. you came right in and straight away demanded for food. And when I said im eating the leftovers you.just exclaimed HEARTLESS BITCHES 真是我们欠你的吗? All you do is complain and keep insisting that you're委屈. -.-

And today when you were cooking for your boyfriend and yourself, you asked me whether I want. Den when I said yes, you didn't bother to add more pasta. Wow thanks for asking. Lol I had to cook on my own all over again, wasting gas.
Den when my parents returned home, mum den asked me why didn't I.cook for my dad?
Den I just made a casual remark of saying, why are we wasting so much gas when erjie could have cooked all at one go. And good job, your reply made mum 为我冠上斤斤计较的头衔 and asked me why couldn't I give and take

REALLY?! Who is the one that is forever so selfish and xiaojie at home? Who is the one that will just keep leaving the bowl there till you go and wash for her(not to mention scolding you back "cannot wait is it?!"when you give her reminders)
And why do I even bother to feel guilty when things are left undone by you and end up doing instead
天底下又还有几个妹妹会在天灯许愿写下 "希望姐姐会学乖"

Sorry but I really feel very sad over all these
Call me 斤斤计较 but I really feel very hurt.

I have to settle the problem sooner or later

BUT I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW.

sorry but dont feel secure for any help now

逃避，并不能解决问题
我已经想不到周全的办法了
我不能又再一次把你的世界颠倒一遍
我不能放手搁下一切
有时，我多么希望我能有勇气直接说，我已经决定了，决定了什么都不决定
但那会沦为盲从
那真是我要的吗? 重点是，那是你要的吗?
我现在不想做决定，但问题总不能一拖再拖
对不起，是我把你拉进这火坑
我不能久留你在这被烧死
多宁愿被烧死的是我
你快逃，好不好

Activity today.
First full u for the year.
Okay, no, not the point.

Firstly, I wanna expose how ah shaun and ah randy are so not in their right mind today.
Ah shaun did all sorts of weird bitchy expressions and actions hahahahh like super sudden one. Even I tio cua. XD
Ah randy was seriously omg. He suddenly say "look at my smile on my happy face, I love st john" hahaha. I totally went to ask him, ni okay ma? Are you randy?!? Hahaha.
Something wrong with the 2 today. Hahah. Den when we were taking pic, Randy suddenly "3....2....1!" den pushed shaun very hard to bang onto sermin. Hahaha sermin instantly rage. Lololol~ funny kids

Took pictures with CS too yayyy
So glad I came into CS. With awesome department seniors and lovely department juniors. Awwww

And yay finally said out what I wanted to say to them.
对不起，我真的不能再忍受静静不说出来
因为我真的很不认同
Hope my time won't be wasted there again lol

Aiyo, too tired to maths or whatever. Games proposal killed me ); brain drained

Actually I didn't plan to work very hard for geog test tmr, but now, with sir wenbin's kind help, I feel I shouldn't 辜负 him like his I've 辜负ed miss Wong. First maths test of the year, and I failed it. First maths test failure in my life too :/ -guilty-

Cca today.
Whoots.
Just gotten home.

Got a little emotional and down just now, probably pmsing
Instantly felt that 我的squad 好无能. And that we appointment holders were actually quite fail in managing the corps, no offence to other appointment holders please.

Just feel that im quite fail too
Okay, im a little too late to have realised this.

Realised actually many ppl read my blog -gasps- :O just feel a little insecure, cos I just spill out whatever nonsense I feel here, this is like the only place I can vent too. I really wonder how ppl get their way to my blog D: I don't mention my url anywhere yeah.
Im sorry if im too offensive or crap.

English situational writing diagnostic test and freaking geog test tmr

And im tired. Dang.
Gillian, endure, training tmr!!
Hahah my lovelies were pestering me and insisting that I have really proper lunch just now.
Thanks :')

Rah. My shirt so smelly today D; whyyy.

Idk if im wrong, but I hope im correct, you seems happy over there now. I really hope you are. Cos I really don't think im able to do anything about it. Im sorry, I really am, for being this useless.

Oh yes to another person im sorry towards: im so sorry for repeatedly forcing you to do what you really didn't want to, and irritating and bugging you thruout the day. Sorry for being a nuisance here.

Oh yeahhh 2216 now!!
So happy I can sleep very soon alr
Thanks to today's day break
So thankful to lovely seniors that made xinmin proud
Proud till can go on zao an ni hao
Yay tang ftw hahah

Anyway just wanted to explain the reason behind changing my lovely previous blogskin away
Cos I wanna be able to blog and see my blog thru phone. The previous bs don't allow me to scroll to look at older post lol
Okay yeah but I still like that blogskin );

Long day tmr. Omg nights
English diagnostic test tmr too. Compo. Siaoliao

omg after reading
i really feel like rushing to her now and give her a really tight hug and 哭一场 ♥

谢谢你，亲爱的 ♥
你让我发现原来你们跟我爱你们一样也很爱我
而我并不是在孤军作战的
谢谢，真的很谢谢

而我真的要说，我是真的信任你们　♥

that day, i nearly wanted to tweet "sometimes, i really feel that im closer to my juniors than to my own squadmates ._." but it was way too..... (idk how to describe)
but it's way too much closer, till my juniors are majiam my squadmates instead ):

i really really really so so so so badly want some shared memories with my own squadmates yknowwwww
but so sorry, many of them simply dont care
some of you complain that everything is biased towards us
but, 事情我们不做你们就会上前来做吗?
你们都不来了
ouch
why why why why why why why why, just why
the greatest pain is my dear #01
4 more months left only 我对你的期望好像所剩无几
cant believe im stepping down soon
much sooner than i can expect
damn it. i love this place too much already
imagine life without having to plan first aid duty, without having to prepare for common break, without setting cases till midnight, without running about the school and shouting cheers in unison

and yes, im feeling the damn olevels stress after some seniors talked to me
我真的很想像他们一样为XMSJAB♥ 争光
让学弟妹，像我一样，真的为学长的成就感到兴奋与骄傲
但我越想, 越算， 越不可能
我真的好像办不到
起码七个LEYYY
不可以 不可以 不可以
怎么办
我最不希望的就是O水准重蹈PSLE的覆辙
我真的负荷不了另一个一生难忘的打击了

hey, i always tot this was a very secretive place );
oh no.
ohwell suan le

-因为有你陪 我的世界不再黑我的天空有你从此不再乱飞你就是我的翅膀 陪我到前方让我学会了雨和雷后 一定看见彩虹你就是我的翅膀 带着我飞翔累了之后有你为我取暖你让我更勇敢 更坚强-

这感觉 已经不对 我最后才了解 一页页 不忍翻阅的情节 你好累 你默背 为我掉过几次泪 多憔悴 而我心碎你受罪 你的美 我不配~

);

林秀慧真的累了

她厌倦了逃避
厌倦了不真实
厌倦了虚伪
厌倦了虚假
厌倦了自己承担
厌倦了这世界不再有人真正了解她
厌倦不再能对外卸下所有防备
厌倦不再能和人说真心话
厌倦了大家的不理解
厌倦了大家的瞎起哄
厌倦了"我不能自私"一直在脑海中盘旋
更厌倦了等待
等待自己想要的事情会发生

我到底能怎么做

那些年，我们一起追的女孩 is a really awesome book ah. Though it has been a while since I've finished the book, I just had time, and had the book to just blog about some lovely quotes.

"是的，就是这么暧昧，即使没有办法更进一步，我也乐在其中。
有人说恋爱最美的时期，就是暧昧不清的阶段"

"走在一起时，男生开始留心女孩是不是走在安全的内侧，女生则无法忽略男生僵硬手，是不是正在酝酿牵起自己的勇气"

"我想当一个很厉害的人。所谓的厉害就是......让这个世界，因为有了我，会有一点点差别。"

""

i like this part (((:
"沈佳仪，你对我喜欢你这件事有什么看法?"
"......"
"任何感觉?"
"我的天，你到底想说什么?"
"不是我想说什么，而是想听你说什么。"
"我怕你喜欢的那个我，不是真正的我。"
"什么意思?"
"柯景腾，你真的喜欢我吗?"
"喜欢啊，很喜欢啊。"
"我总觉得你把我想得太好了，我根本没有你形容得那么好，也没有你想像得那么好。你喜欢我，让我觉得很不好意思。"
"啊?"
"我也有你不知道的一面啊，我在家里也会很邋遢，有时也会有起床气，有时也会因为一点小事就跟我妹妹吵架。我就是很......很普通啊!"
"乱七八糟的，是看太多证严法师静思语的副作用么?"
"真的，你仔细想想，你喜欢我吗?"
"喜欢阿。"
"你很幼稚耶，根本没有仔细想，来，仔细想，想想再说"

"很希望我们之间的一切，最后能有个无悔的结果"

Credits to: 那些年，我们一起追的女孩 二〇一一年十一月初版四二〇刷
yup, i typed these from the book (((:
and of course, there are still more, but i cant rmb/find from the book alr D:

more from https://twitter.com/youaretheapple :

"她是他美好的初恋，也是他永远的青春。如果沒有這些无悔的青春情事，就不會有后來更懂爱的他們。 如此爱过于被爱的人生，将帶著情感的溫暖厚度，守护彼此尘埃落定的人生"

"我的青春，雖不完美，但我很喜歡；也因為它並不完美，才更显得真实可爱"

"不像考卷，所有困难的问题都会有解答。真实人生里，很多事情是没有答案的。"

"青春是一场大雨。即使感冒了，还盼望回头再淋它一次。"

"成长，最残酷的部分就是，女孩子永远比同年龄的男孩子成熟。"

-好想再回到那些年的时光 回到教室座位前后 故意讨你温柔的骂 黑板上排列组合 你舍得解开吗 谁与谁坐他又爱著她 那些年错过的大雨 那些年错过的爱情 好想拥抱你 拥抱错过的勇气 曾经想征服全世界 到最后回首才发现 这世界滴滴点点全部都是你 那些年错过的大雨 那些年错过的爱情 好想告诉你 告诉你我没有忘记 那天晚上满天星星 平行时空下的约定 再一次相遇我会紧紧抱著你 紧紧抱著你- 那些年-胡夏♥

Awesome last moments of 2011 and awesome first few moments of 2012 spent with lovely 202ers ♥
Though it was only 12 of us ):
Christmas exchange was not bad :))
I got aderic's super dua toblerone plus paul frank notebook from tw
Yeheng got mine :))
Mahjong-ed, bridge-d, tv-ed, not to mention soccer-ed lol man u lost to blackburn, all the guys so noisy. Hahah
Yk parents were kinda too friendly. Hahahah 跟我从永康口中听到的很不一样

Anyway, I really wanna say I will never win in mahjong, if we're playing with money. Hahahah. Justsaying
Im just so suay. But i'll usually win a lot, if we're just playing for fun ;))

Yay. Thanks 02ers for the awesome night :)))

Wl. Erjie slacking again -.-
Always expect us to do stuff for her, wts. -.-
Still keep scolding me vulgarities -.-

Okay. WHATEVER.

Back to posting. Lol
Impromptu clique outing cum exchange was cool too
I love cliquerlitesss.
Forever awesome only. Only we do retarded stuff. Hahahah lol

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起做梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
谁记得
谁忘了

我怀念的-孙燕姿
为什么我们不能像当年一样一起奋斗，一起努力
Am I being too demanding and unreasonable here?

Haiy, I know this time I'll definitely be blamed, be it secretly or openly

我搞不懂 我们到底怎么了

Here comes the scary feeling of drifting again

Feeling quite bad today, idk why.

Just feel very stressed up by the thought of taking 2

And 有些事，真的不能直接说出来
I'm so not in the position to comment about them, or even scold them, even when I truly know that what they are doing is rubbish.
And this is totally not the first time already, 若那一方的人不开口自己讲，
那我也只好忍住不开口
如果我骂了一次，还没有人肯听，更没有人肯在讲，那我真的没有资格多说什么了

And yes, like what happened ytd at home too.
I strongly believe in training, not in spoiling
Spoiling will just ruin their future.
Ohwells, nobody care afterall.

-可惜不是你 陪我到最后 曾一起走却走失那路口-

Had an awesome day out with Adrian and Kenneth. 一泡而红 was not bad :) just a little draggy and lol but not exactly bad :)

Had a nice chat at macs hahaha, after dangling around popular and ntuc, talking about all sort of stuff. Hmmmm

I can't believe 我在地铁上竟人然跟他们那么坦白了.

知道了很多 也说(泄漏)了好多， 但总比一直憋住好多了，说出来也比较舒服了，也不知道我为什么我很他们不是很熟却能那么坦白，或许就因为不熟，知道他们会比较客观，而就放心说出口了吧。世上我唯一能坦白的人好像也之只有一个 ):

近期我好像好常来博客了，好像最近心事和不能说的事比较多了

希望开学了烦人的事会比较少吧

大家加油

Happy day, but I've got work to settle, gosh.

Why why why me no printer at home?

Gotta mafan ppl every single time ><

gosh, footdrill assessment tmr ><

Compteams jiayou (L)

Our lovely polaroids, though we spammed like a lot more ;))

Crazy cousins :D

Attended another wedding dinner of someone in our lovely family
Today was weijian ah gu's, my 表舅, sounds old, but don't worry, he's just 20 plus :)) I've got quite a number of quite young biao jius :)))
说实在的 I'm very impressed by the wedding, somehow. And their cute story
The wedding was kinda cool, the video, the gatecrash and all, very nice.

但我觉得一切似乎好难好难
而且并非理所当然的

Hmm kinda wonder what my future will be and what will happen to me? Really curious, 但我不想长大
到了试婚年龄结婚就是理所当然的吗?
要怎样才能遇到一个适合你的人

Ohwells I'm really too young to think about all these, but yeah, justsaying

或许我长大了连嫁也嫁不出去 xD

有时候还蛮想有一台时光机，让我能瞄一瞄我的未来，再回到现实来

幼稚 :P

结婚到底是什么感觉?
我未来会幸福吗?
而我又能带给谁幸福呢?

Just some random thoughts that came to my mind
Not that im desperate to marry off :O

Lovely night with lovely cousins again ;D heheheheh I LOVE THEMMMM. Spammed polaroids :O some were really nice and cute though :) yay. My first polaroid kept by myself :))) though it was an NG one, but I don't mind such epic memories :))) hahahah.

Oh wells goodnight :))
MERRYCHRISTMAS by the way :))

Sometimes I really feel that im all alone already.
This feeling simply sucks.
But I really cant do anything.

有时我真的觉得 一个人付出，好累好累
对不起，或许又是我自己太自私了
但你们真的让我觉得就剩我一个了，让我觉得好孤独
虽然我表面上真的不说什么，但老实说，我真的在意
Probably sometimes I would secretly wish that you people will actually understand me more and know what im actually feeling.
But I know this is not.quite possible to ever happen
或若是你们知道了，也应该不会做什么吧

在意又有什么用，一切将不会有改变
我现在应该做的，就是尽全力把自己该做的是事都做的好好的，不辜负任何人。

林秀慧，加油
-我不是生气 只是心痛-

我不是生气 只是觉得你是不应该这样做的
今天若是那些小孩做了这件事，我或许还能接受，但... 好，算了...
换做今天若抽到你的不是我，那他们又会怎么看你呢?

Haiyy 我好像太容易就让别人觉得我失落了 ):
动不动就让别人觉得我不爽/生气
或许是我平时太high 了，只要安静一点，别人就以为我有心事了 :/
这怎么改也改不掉，真麻烦):

I kinda feel quite guilty too, for being slightly restless today ):
I guess I've probably affected training today and made it less productive, or even wasted their time

Today just isn't a good day. Idk why ):
对不起，若是我的情绪影响了你们 ):

Sometimes I really feel that im really not a good trainer.
I always forget a lot of things and cannot keep a lookout of you girls properly
And I kinda don't have the ability to point out the mistakes effectively, give constructive comments and help you girls be better, im even unsure of my knowledge sometimes.
我真的不想害了你们
我知道你们是多想赢的
我不是对你们没有信心，而是对我自己没有

-太美的承诺因为太年轻 但亲爱的那并不是爱情-

woah. i've got so much to blog about
and idk where exactly to start ._.

hmmmm just came back from 2nd grandaunt's funeral
yes, my 二姨婆, my maternal grandmother's younger sis ):
went down for 3 out of 5 days
又让我感受到很多，也发现了很多

i always feel blessed to have such maternal relatives
they are really awesome, i swear
it's like all of us are really proud of one another
and you can really feel the love
we do stupid things together, do crazy things together, sing crazy songs together, create lousy jokes together, laugh at silly things together, stay up late at night just to do weird stuff together(P.S. not just children, even adults xD)
i guess it was just in recent years then i(we) realised how strong our ties were, idk what had made it like this either.
perhaps it was funerals after funerals(pls stop here tyvm), dualiji after dualiji, weird quarrels that happened(like burn your ___ and ____) , idk. it's just so 奇妙, nvr felt so bonded with my family before
and i really feel that i really cant bear to lose any of them anymore

during one of the nights when we were at the wake, my mum kinda got a wood splinter on her palm, den my sa-kim quickly asked me to remove it for my mum, den immediately, san yi just "appeared" and passed my her stuff on her hand and grabbed my mum's hand and removed it in like 5 secs, it was sucha 温馨画面, like so awwwwww, idk whether i was the only one who felt this way, but it was like 当小妹有难时，姐姐便是立刻挺身而出

and that time when my parents nearly blew the whole house down and drive me crazy, sa-yi and dua-yi rushed to our house after my phone call too ._.

I LOVE MY AUNTS LIKE A LOT A LOT. ♥

another thing was something that happened this morning, before the funeral "ceremony" thingy started
when the "band" was playing those sad songs and i was carrying my young niece, rowena on my lap.

she kept looking at the band and suddenly she told me "that time ah gong pass away also got this", i was really shocked, i didnt expect her to remember that at all. she's like just 4yearsold. den she kept telling me that she wanna see the band
so i sat her facing them den she just sat on my lap and listened to them quietly
i really wondered what was going through in her mind
like was she thinking of her ahgong?
den i suddenly missed dayizhang a lot and kinda teared a bit :O
den i asked her questions like "do you miss ahgong?" she nodded very sincerely.

i miss dua-gu, si-gu and gor-gu too DDD:
丧失亲人好痛苦 ._.

sometimes i feel why must it always be our family who is sacrificing?
like ytd night, after that long ceremony and it was like midnight, we were the ones who removed all those banners and blankets, and this random auntie even just chup in and asked us to remove all those paper, plastics and wordings on the blankets, so people can just conveniently choose and take it home without needing the trouble of removing those "du-du"(yknow those plastic thingy that always hold on to those tags on your brand new shirts) one-by-one.
den sa-yi said okay lor, den we cleared all the blankets tgt, like around 10-15.
and today's lunch/dinner back at the wake place was damn lol
those aunties and uncles ttly just quickly chiong and snatch/chope all the tables once we reached back
den of course there wasnt any left for us, so we had to go to the coffeeshop to have our own meal
thanks sa-kim for the chicken rice treat xD she spent like near $70 i guess :O

and this is like definitely not the first time.
yeah. selfish ppl out there ):

WHATEVER MANZXC, I JUST LOVE MY (MATERNAL) FAMILY ♥ ;D

-如果难过 请你忘了我-

woo yeahhh duaji is backkkkk! after like 10months of studying in aust.

still getting use to reverting back to the previous room layout. Hahaha. but that's not the point

dajie's sec2 classmates came :> happy because this shows friendship in sec2 can really last till we're very old :P And her sec2 classmates are like her closet bunch of friends ever :') THAT'S VELI COOLL :D

Hmmm den we went to have dinner/supper tgt with her classmates(very 熟 with my family too) den they started talking about their other classmates and all their past.
one of her friend asked "我们felicity(their class name)还剩几个couple啊?" Hahaha. 这问题让我感受到了莫大的熟悉感 xD 202也是这样的 wor.

their class gathering majiam non-stop de (Y)

and it's like my sister also has a mixed gender clique. hahaha. and they often come to our house and all.

all these sounds familiar ah.

and more 不方便透露的 similar stories.

so much similarities, but would the ending be the same?

ILOVECOMPTEAM ILOVECOMPTEAM ILOVECOMPTEAM

Yay. though I really do feel tired being alone at times
But I ought to rmb no matter what, I have my 4 lovely kids with me who are really passionate and motivated to win this time.
Zhen de zhen de yi ding yao ying. Though I really don't like the idea of stressing them, but, 谁不要冠军啊.
有时候，似乎反而是她们在推动我
我真的真的真的相信她们，他们也一样.

虽然从来都没有亲眼目睹过，我真的很想看到中有一次真的会有3CHAMPS
I wanna see all the uber happy and contented faces of the seniors.
Did I mention they're really awesome? :')

ILOVEXMSJAB ILOVEXMSJAB ILOVEXMSJAB :D

Yay random post xD hahaha on my dad's new phone. :P

hahahaha owing too much posts~ :P
got lotsa stuff that i wanted/ planned to blog but hahahaha kinda too lazy, too tired, too sian of the laggy comp lololol

hmmmm am i making sense?


yay shall blog about the most recent thingy, HOSPITAL ATTACHMENT(:


10 things i've learned there:

1) lots of homenursing stuff really works like the hospital. SHOCKED. hahaha.
2) how to operate a BP, pulse, spO2 machine :D
3) how the nurse handle patients who cannot pee out:
-insert a tube and squeeze out the water (Y)
4) how to pronounce "dementia" (老人痴呆症)
5) how to use the cotside in CGH
6) the patients' food in the hospital isnt that bland afterall :D still got menu somemore (Y) quite nice yooo :D
7) how the food are actually transported to the ward
- this damn cool machine that will move by itself. (Y) and it will even autostop when it detects something/someone in front
8) how to correctly put a bib
- got this plastic side and this absorbent side with a pocket below. <--- the correct side
9) how to pull patient upwards on the bed
10) dementia patients hallucinate a lot )))): #poorthing ;(
- sometimes we just have to pei he their hallucination :O

hmmmm it's like 人年长到一个程度时，似乎就瞬间又变回像个小孩了
这让我忽然觉得人长命也不像是一件好事

ANYWAY, 我可能不会爱你 IS REALLY DAMN AWESOME LAAAA :D

last episode is gonna be out tonight. (11dec, sunday) ): quite sad there will be no more in time with you for me ):

haven watch ep12~ cos i think i cannot stand watching 12 and needing to wait for 1 week for ep13. hahahahah. lolololol. plus i kinda had no time this week cos of hospital attachment, training, study session, 202bbq, zone presentation and all. yada yada yada~

anywayzxc, zone presentation emceeing was scary ): i was the chinese emcee and i was kinda too nervous and mispronounced quite a few phrases ): but it was kind of a great and rare learning experience though xD

i think im loving XMSJAB more&more xD

-要说些什麽 应该说些什麽 告诉我还 能够为你 做什麽 不是普通朋友只是普通朋友的朋友到了最后 反而就 我们很不熟-

haiyy still too distracted for any work

like since morning T.T

feeling so terrible and helpless now.

i must solve this all by myself

i hope i can

anyway, my friday, saturday and sunday were uber awesome.

friday- went SAJC with some taiwan bicultural peeps for this "词有词理" event. quite cool. and there was derrick hoh. 不错帅yo. got kinda high. xD maybe partly cos 太久没有看到明星了 ): still feeling very sad for fahrenheit ): haizxc. to me, 他们永远都是四个人，不多也不少， 但愿他们都能发展得更好，一起发展当然是最好♥. sat beside yujie and charmaine. didnt expect yujie to get high too xD and adrian is..... hahahah. he and his 吴丝(吴俊伟的粉丝) funny ah. 想必台湾之旅会超级好玩♥ P.S. 每时每刻-何维健 is not bad yo

saturday- hao's 21st birthday ♥ lovely cousins, ftw! pure madness at hao's chalet. sucking helium was uber joke. xD spamming pictures were super epic and of course all the lousy jokes. xD loving them more and more xD

sunday- taiwan bicultural team sentosa outing ♥ lovely, awesome, fun time too. really got bond dao (: kinda fang xia xin tou da shi. but it could have been better la. mood was kinda ruined at the beginning, cos i was like thinking 为什么总是只有我们这几个在努力. ohwells. just hope they had fun with the activities dick and i planned. cos planning wasnt smooth at all. :O and thank goosness weather was good ytd. no rain, no big sun. just with a lil bit of lovely sunshine.

in conclusion, these 3 days were kinda lovely.
idk why today got so bad too

pondering on too much things
what others said to me and all
shucks i really needa study

dessertslstressed

脑海里有太多思绪

你们快离开，好吗?

我快受不了了

我真的很需要读书

我得靠华文

我的英文是肯定完蛋的

你们不要再闹我了

你们快走好不好

真的求求你们快点走

我在twitter一直吵着都觉得我自己烦了

帮帮我，好吗

我真的不要在想你们了

我已经决定了(是吧?)

好累了

够了 真的够了

-你想要的 我却不能够给你我全部 我能给的 却又不是你想要拥有的-

EOYZZZ

personally, i would say it's disappointing.
但我当然知道我没什么资格说....
但始终还很难再压抑失落的情绪...
just have to shut up and keep quiet

esp for geog and chinese i guess.
so what if i had scored.......... owells forget it

sick of talking about results.
i keep trying to convince myself i ought to be contented
but apparently i kinda cant.
just hope they wont freakingly put me in chinese band 1 again. i dont like that stress.
esp when i really cant do it now.


from this eoys, we can really see everyone working abnormally hard
but somehow the majority still screwed it
first time seeing many people "piah" until 3/4am in the late night yada yada
this is pure madness

OHWELLSSSS. IT'S OVERRRR ALL WE SHOULD DO IS SUCK THUMB, MOVE ON (:

JIAYOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU ;D

why must it be you again?

i really dont know what's with the disappointment ah
i ought to be used to it right?
crazyy.
oh yes. im upset over you again.
i really dont understand.

那种友情真的永远都唤不回吗?

我也不知道我为何还要死牢着那段快要逝去的友情

这些友情真的值得我一直努力挽回吗?

那我是否有真正珍惜过自己现在还存的友情?

我快要放弃了 快要虚脱了 下一个我 又是什么角色

-是我自己做梦你有改变什么-

oh yeah. ok great. i forgot what i wanted to post :O

hahaha.

hmmm. i still puzzled why things turned out to be like this. like super drastically.
):
this is scary and saddening :/
oh well. just hope they wont get so affected.
jiayouuuu.

gosh gosh gosh. eoyssszxc.
i dont think im ready.
haiy. not gonna stay up late anymore!
i promised that ytd would be the last night.
hahaha. shall just anticipate for sunny girl tonight.
gonna go amaths and geog todayyyy :O dont fail please
may today be productive for everyoneeee! :D

OH YES. (P.S. I LOVE MY JUNIORS. ♥ hehehehe. cos they love me too. not only bcos they are lending us xmjacket. but they;re just too lovely (: hehehe. the way they 不嫌麻烦地给予帮助 ♥ awwwww :D hehehe. thanks juniors. they're as lovely as seniors ♥ ♥ I LOVE XMSJAB♥)

202th POST!!! :D ♥

heheheheh! i said i would dedicate this post to 202! ♥ that explains why im here again though eoys start like the day after tmr. ._.

hahah. this is gonna be a short one and i'll continue to add more after eoy!

202 is....
Awesome.
Rubbish.
Thankful to have.
Hyperactive.
Unexpectedly cute.
Remarkable
Lovely.
Extraordinary.
Encouraging.
still have....
Bright.
Obscene.
Berserk.
Brain got SHIT.
Yellow(in the mind ._.).
Caring.
Hard-to-find.
Invincible.
Noisy.
heheheh. so cool right? ARTHURLEE and BOBBYCHIN (((:
hahaha. i'll continue soon. xD


uploading pictures that i still owe~~ :D hehehe

3more albums to go~:D

watching smurfs now with shihui, huiwen, ivan and jackyyy!
soooo cute lah omg. ((:
lalalalalala sing a happy songgggg
lalalalalala smurf the whole day longgg~ :D cute much

if smurfs ever exist as pets awwww hahahahah

oh yes oh yes. one more post to 202th posttt!!! shall dedicate it to AWESOME 202'10 ♥

this week have been ermmmmm. weird. just too slack ._. gillian!!! you gotta studyyyy omgg~
gonna die when exams really come

oh yes ANYWAYZXC, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARMAINE/SUCKER/PAPA/SU'S/SHOOTINGCAPTAIN/AWESOME306ER/AWESOME6ALIEN/ AWESOME CLIQUERLITE/WHATEVER LA!!!
so proud of my present for her lahh!! :D awesome artistic gillian12321 (((: yay.
we sang more than 12bday songs for her todayyyy xD
CHELSEA'S CARD WAS REALLY COOL ((: hahahah. CLIQUERLITES ARE JUST SO AWESOME. -like duh-

okayzxc. back to lalalalalala~ :D say byeeeee

[edited]
it's not that im angry or what.
i didnt say i didnt want to wait.
i would definitely wait if we could.
the reason why i insisted of waiting so that we can go tgt is like super clear yeah. not like i didnt foresee these :/
if you guys wanna thing im xiaoqi or what. so be it then.

LALALALALALA SING A HAPPY SONG

200th POST!!

last thing before i go to meet andy, cindy and jacky for nyp proj...

I LOVE XMSJAB! times a million!!! ♥

K THXBAI~

When are you ever gonna come back?

until now, i still dont understand why.

however people say you're not ever gonna come back. somehow, i would still have the tendency to hold on to that glimpse of hope. k. am i speaking sense. oh whatever.

cos i think it's not impossible. though possibility is low. BUT eventually it's still possibleee. our doors are always open, no matter how late it gets.

you used to read my blog and i used to read yours too. i wonder if you're still doing it now. i stopped when i realised you've kinda really stopped posting.

so what if you read this post? i doubt i can ever influence you anymore.

idk idk idk. idk what's happening and what you're thinking. and i kinda really wanna know.

dont like it when we're really really like strangers now. despite being that close just less than 2 years ago.

really long to have everybody back here together again. it is really impossible like what the others keep saying? 我选择握住那丝希望，哪怕它是多么的渺小. 虽渺小，但它毕竟还存在.

time is running ._.

-你离开的时候没有一句 没有一句对不起 对不起是我太执迷
你离开的时候没有一句 没有一句话说清 说清楚离开的原因-

-sixA'08!!!!!
-th CLIQUE: VALERIE! YINHANG! JOANNE! EILEEN! CHARMAINE! CHELSEA! LIFERN! EMILY!!!!!!!!! :)
-THE Ls!!! RUIRU! HUIWEN! CINDY! PEIJUN! SHIHUI! KRISTIE!!!
-202♥♥♥!
-XMSJAB♥♥♥♥♥!
-Lovely compteams'2010, 2011, 2012
-GATHERINGS!!!<3
-FAHRENHEIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<3(JIRO ROCKS!♥)
-JIRO<3 大东<3 汪东城<3 汪大东<3 夏兰荇德.天<3 鬼龙<3 MARS<3 庄俊男<3 金元丰<3 金秀伊<3 米麒麟<3 孙策<3 叶赫那啦．宇策<3史朗<3 :)
-SHE!!!! <3
-TAIWAN DRAMAS!!!

Layout : komie
Textures : sanami276
Photos : Cyworld Korea (coffee, photos, sky)

(aloha)

Enjoy your stay :D
Love Fahrenheit! ♥ ;D
(intro)

GILLIAN;林秀慧!

click 'about' for more
(clickables)

6A thBEST class ever!<3
thBEST CLIQUE ever! :)<3
102'09/202'10! :D
Adam SIR
Ah Wei
Ah Yuan
Angie
Brenda
Cindy
Chella SSS
Chelsea
Cherie SSS
Dominic SSGT
Eileen
Emily
Evelyn
Fang Ning
Fang Shuo
Feng Yu
Geraldine SGT
Hui Ting
Hui Wen
Ivan
Jacqueline
Jeszmin
Jia Hao SIR
Jiro 微博
Joanne Lam
Joanne Lim
Jolene
Jolynn
Kevan
Kristie
Li fern
Melissa SSS
Methasit SSGT
Mindy
Nara
Nicholas
Peijun
Phyllis
Regina SGT
Regine
Rui Ru
Ser Min
Shaun
Shi Hui
Valerie
Valery SGT
Vivien SSGT
Wen Bin SIR
Wendy
Xena
Yong Qing SIR
Yu Chan
Yin Hang & Chelsea
Valerie & Joanne

*FAHRENHEIT
*JIROWANGDADONG<33
*AARONYANYALUN
*CALVINCHENYIRU
*WUCHUN